It has not been a good day... not full of birth magic and awe. It is the type of day where being a doula weighs quite heavily on me and my family. I made an appointment, went over, only to find the mother was sleeping and had forgotten, and there was no way I was going to wake her up. I will need to reschedule, but man, I have already spent around 60 hours on this case! I could have stayed home instead. This non meeting cost me a few precious hours of my life.
My little girl claimed she believed I like my clients better than I like her. My 4 year old is acting out, clearly because he is wanting more mommy attention than he's been getting. My husband is a great man, but even he gets tired sometimes holding down the fort. I miss my friends, I miss exercising, I miss my sister, who is visting from England and I barely have time for.
It is not always hearts and flowers every day. But the antidote to the blues is to find some gratitude, so I'll dig for some. I am grateful my last client due before Christmas gave birth a little early so I am not technically on call, except for a mother expecting twins, who will probably go early. I am remembering one of the most important births I have ever attended, important to a profound healing of the web of women's faith surrounding birth, which has been eroded over years by fear. A year ago, my dear friend was in the throes of labour with her third child, working towards a VBAC after 2 previous C-sections. It was a hero's journey in a way I can't even begin to describe. My little buddy Iggy was not born until December 10th, but out he came the vagina way, and taught me a lot about how the healing that occurs in birth can extend beyond just the woman who birthed and the people who were there. Some births CHANGE things, as this birth has on suble levels. So gratitude to Iggy and his beautiful parents, midwives, doctors, nurses, and aunties.
I am grateful for a warm home, good food, and a pretty Christmas tree. I am grateful for good friends who love me in spite of my terrible lack of being able to hang with them much. I am grateful to not have to sleep by my phone tonight.
Love to all,