Today is a good day. I am excited to be going to see a talk with Carl Bigheart this evening. He is just a wonderful man who works to create bridges between ancient wisdom traditions and healing of the relationship between human kind and all other beings. My dear friend Nat is organizing this talk, and I want to be there tonight not just to hear Carl speak, but to support her too.
I was nervous when I woke up this morning and discovered I was still in my bed. I had been expecting my lady with broken waters to give birth, as those waters had been broken for quite a long time. She was in contact with her doctor, so everything was fine.
She decided to go into the hospital to get checked out, and I was just so scared I would miss the talk. I had planned to send a backup for a few hours if someone went into labour and needed me during the talk, but it's another thing to leave a mother in active labour...something only an emergency would motivate me to do.
I arrived at the hospital and my client was in tears because she really hadn't wanted any sort of intervention, and here they were, discussing induction. She had already tried homeopathics, herbs, acupressure, and castor oil, to no avail. The doctor was way out of her comfort zone, and was pretty insistent, in a nice way, about getting the labour moving. She checked my client and found her cervix really nice and stretchy and dilated, and assured her that a drop of synto would get her going, and that once her body took over, she could stop the medication, and let labour progress on its own. My client begged just to be able to walk up and down the stairs for 20 minutes. I didn't think that would do much at this point, but then the doctor found there to be still a pocket of amniotic fluid, which she broke. We thought that maybe with that plus a walk, things would start. Remember,trust the woman.
We went to the stairwell, and I encouraged her to walk up sideways, 2 at a time, as I thought her baby was curled up pretty far on her right side. She began gentle contractions. Every time she had one, she squatted down. As it got stronger, she leaned over, looking out a window, and circled her hips. People passed us on the stairs and weren't sure what was going on, but they didn't bug us. A few contractions later she was really working up a sweat, making some noise, and making big, beautiful hip circles. Instead of chatting between, we were quiet, honouring her trip to labour land. And one contraction or two later, she made the noises that made us realize it was time go get back into her room NOW. As we ran by her doctor, we grabbed her and told her the baby was coming. She was surprised, but very very happy.
A nice big boy, nearly 9 pounds, was born less than 20 minutes later, just an hour after the doctor had broken the last bit of bulging membranes.
What is even happier about this story, is that the mothers' first birth had been nearly 2 days long with forceps. This baby practically fell out, nearly a pound bigger than his elder sibling. We are all over the moon for her.
So,even though I've just been contacted by an other client telling me she is having some contractions, I'm pretty sure we're in the clear for the talk tonight! I can't wait!
Happy Saturday, everyone!
Lesley
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Honouring Women's Intuition
One of the sad things about today's care of the pregnant/birthing/postpartum woman is a lack of respect for her intuition. Many women are considered hysterical or completely blown off for discussing their intuitions. What exactly is intuition? It's about looking inside and gathering information about things and situations not by reason, but by feeling. It is not about being psychic. When we refer to intuition, people sometimes think we're refering to looking into the future, which, unless you truly are gifted with psychic ability, is not generally possible. I think intuition just means gathering information about things which are conveyed in ways more subtle than can be perceived by the five senses. I don't believe, as doulas, we can predict how birth will ultimately play out in the future (try to pin Birth down, and she changes on you...she hates us puny humans trying to "know" her too well), but you can, in the here and now, be able to intuit something about a woman, perhaps an emotional or energetic frequency, that can give you a good or not so good feeling about how that may play out in the field of childbirth. And you can be wrong, which is okay, because nothing is fool proof.. not ultrasounds, amnios, or blood tests (oh my!).
As a doula you would never say, "I have a great feeling everything is going to be fine, so don't bother checking that unusual symptom out with your midwife or doctor." Most women wouldn't eschew some form of prenatal care if given the choice, based upon intuition alone of their and their baby's wellness. Some do, and more power to them, but most don't. But just because we usually don't use only intuition to gather information, doesn't mean it should be discounted as an extremely valuable tool to determine things about a woman's experience.
I trust women. A woman in her childbearing year tends to have incredible insight into the workings of her body and her baby. She should be given plenty of space to talk about these feelings freely without fear of being judged as "silly". When you're growing a baby inside you, you are linked to another being more intimately than any other way. It is no surprise that a woman can have very strong feelings about what's going on with her baby. I kinda believe that a baby transmits his feelings to his mom in some cases. I don't think he says, "Mother, I am planning on becoming photographer someday," or "Ma, I will be born with a large birthmark." In fact, many women before the days of ultrasound were unaware they were carrying twins until the day of their birth. I just mean I have seen wild flashes of insight which, in spite of medical disbelief or logic, have been proven right. There are just times a woman tells you something when you know in your own gut what she is saying is incontrovertible...you know it by a strong feeling of resonance with the truth of her words.
Here are a few examples. A really crazy amazing wild woman friend of mine named Michelle, was my doula for the birth of my first child. She had given birth to her own first three children at home in the mountains of Tennessee, one of them unassisted, I believe. When she became pregnant with her fourth child, she had been doing some doula work in hospitals. She told me she thought she'd birth this baby in a hospital. I asked her, "What do you mean? You've had great home births. What makes you want to go to the hospital?" She told me she wasn't sure, just that she had felt really comfortable in a certain hospital she had worked at, and felt drawn to give birth there. She arrived at the hospital in labour, and was very quickly rushed to the OR for an emergency C-section because of severe fetal distress due a real and serious umbilical cord problem. Her son was fine. And her next three children were born at home in the Dominican Republic.
I had a client once who was SO enthusiastic about water birth. She booked herself a space at the Birthing Centre where her midwife said there was a room for water birth. She even wrote an assignment for a training she was doing on the joys and benefits of water birth. So in labour, there she was in the water. 2 interesting things happened, that were probably unrelated (but who knows?), but I'll mention them both. One thing, was that about five minutes before the baby was actually born, she got this look on her face of seriousness. She looked at me and announced, not with a fearful tone, but just in a very matter of fact way that she didn't want to be in the water any more. She is a joyful lady with a lovely sense of humour, so this sudden change to serious was unexpected. I was surprised, but just got her out of the tub as she wished. She hopped on the bed and birthed her lovely child. That baby had the teeniest tiniest little cord you ever did see! There was no way we could even put the baby on her because the cord was so short. The midwife said, "Wow, that's interesting. Had you given birth in the tub, we wouldn't have been able to lift the baby out of the water." Not that this would have been dangerous necessarily, just that it might have been pretty awkward to get the mom and babe out of the tub.
The other thing was that in the tub while the baby was making its descent into her birth canal, she was sitting in a really strange way. I can't even describe it, except that it looked like she was trying to open up one side of her pelvis as widely as possible. It looked super uncomfortable, but that's how she wanted to be. I did some bodywork with her a few days after the birth of her baby and found one leg to be quite shorter than the other and her pelvis very contracted on the side she had been intuitively opening up in labour. She told me she had been in a bad car accident during her childhood, and had sustained injury to her pelvis, but it was not something she had consciously thought of during labour. But her body "knew", and so most likely did her baby, sending her messages the mysterious ways babies do.
I cannot tell you how many times I've been with women, lots of them first time moms, who are told they are 2cm dilated or so upon arrival at the hospital, but contracting as if in active, not early labour. Often, nurses want to send these women home, because the belief is that if you're only 2cm dilated with your first baby, you've still got many hours to go. But many of those moms announced there was no way they were going to go home because they were sure, because of how they felt, they were moving right along in labour. And it's crazy how often they are argued with, being told they're just not managing their pain very well, and that it's only going to get harder, and they might even "need" an epidural later if they're feeling labour that strongly at "only" 2cm. But I tell them, "you're contracting great! Your cervix is going to catch right on up to those contractions." And so it usually does, proving that for them, active labour can certainly be going on at 2cm, no matter who believes them.
I remember having a client who was having SERIOUS contractions. But they were far apart, like about 8 minutes or so. They were intense enough to make her want to get to the hospital. I arrived, and she was sitting on a bed on a monitor with a barf bowl under her chin, and that really stoned look women get between contractions when labour is powering on. I watched her contract, and though she wasn't making much noise, you could tell it was a really good one. The nurse looked at the monitor and laughed at her, telling her she shouldn't have come to the hospital yet, that contractions HAD to be closer together for them to even consider taking her in. I asked the nurse to check her, just in case, because I had a feeling this mom was in really active labour. The nurse didn't want to, but did. The mom was 7-8 cm, and gave birth quite soon afterwards. I don't put much stock in numbers of centimetres of dilation, but I'm glad for the mom's sake her cervix gave the nurse the numerical "evidence" she wanted to admit my client.
I just don't understand why a woman who says, "I think the baby is coming sooner than you think" is met with arguments against the claim of her own experience. My doula colleague who works primarily with a community that has lots of babies sometimes ends up actually catching the baby in the hospital because the medical staff don't always believe the woman will deliver as quickly as she says she will. If a mother of 8 says, "The baby is coming!", and her cervix gets checked (grrrr) and you hear it's 4cm, believe the mother, not the cm. Put on gloves if the doctors leave the room in disbelief. TRUST THE WOMAN!
A few weeks ago, a lady called me in the morning saying, "I sort of feel something happening, but I'm not sure...just lots of pressure..no pain or anything. I wanted to give you a heads up." I hung up thinking, because it was her second baby, that things might rev up quickly. Just the sound of her voice sort of gave me a feeling. Sure enough, on my way to a prenatal appointment, the woman called me up crying fearfully that contractions were coming really close together, were intense, she was alone in the house and couldn't reach her husband at work. I booted over there in about 10 minutes to find her on hands and knees making active labour noises. I managed to get in contact with her husband and mother-in-law to make arrangements with her other child, and then I wondered what the best option would be. I was wondering how long we had before this baby was going to make her arrival. Things looked and sounded convincing, and I knew if her waters broke, I'd be catching a baby. Ambulance? Cab? So I figured I'd ask the mom. In a small space between huge contractions, I put my hand on her back and said her name, and asked her to look at me (I normally wouldn't interrupt a woman's concentration like this, but I felt she would be able to give me information I needed). I asked her straight up, making deep eye contact. "Are we going to make it to the hospital?" She stopped breathing heavily, checked in for a second, and said, "yes, we are." So I called the cab. The baby was born about 45 minutes after we arrived, 5 minutes after her waters broke.
I have many many more stories like this to illustrate a woman's deep connection to her body and her baby, but you're all gonna have to wait for my book to come out next year :)
I'm really digging this exercise in blogging, and could go on for hours, wind bag that I am. But I'm going to be making my posts a little shorter in the future in order to make more progress on my book. It's going to be called: Choosing Wisely: A Doula's Guide to a Happy Birth Day.
So, just to reiterate before I retreat back into real life (hyper kids who have eaten too much Friday night sugar, a lady whose waters have been broken all day, and many new client requests to process):
Intuition is often undervalued in our medical system. We need to listen carefully to women, and pay attention to our own feelings as well. BUT, it doesn't mean intuition is all we should use. It is one tool out of many. A primary caregiver having excellent clinical skills and experience AS WELL as good instincts and a gentle, compassionate, honouring bedside manner is ideal.
Night, all!
As a doula you would never say, "I have a great feeling everything is going to be fine, so don't bother checking that unusual symptom out with your midwife or doctor." Most women wouldn't eschew some form of prenatal care if given the choice, based upon intuition alone of their and their baby's wellness. Some do, and more power to them, but most don't. But just because we usually don't use only intuition to gather information, doesn't mean it should be discounted as an extremely valuable tool to determine things about a woman's experience.
I trust women. A woman in her childbearing year tends to have incredible insight into the workings of her body and her baby. She should be given plenty of space to talk about these feelings freely without fear of being judged as "silly". When you're growing a baby inside you, you are linked to another being more intimately than any other way. It is no surprise that a woman can have very strong feelings about what's going on with her baby. I kinda believe that a baby transmits his feelings to his mom in some cases. I don't think he says, "Mother, I am planning on becoming photographer someday," or "Ma, I will be born with a large birthmark." In fact, many women before the days of ultrasound were unaware they were carrying twins until the day of their birth. I just mean I have seen wild flashes of insight which, in spite of medical disbelief or logic, have been proven right. There are just times a woman tells you something when you know in your own gut what she is saying is incontrovertible...you know it by a strong feeling of resonance with the truth of her words.
Here are a few examples. A really crazy amazing wild woman friend of mine named Michelle, was my doula for the birth of my first child. She had given birth to her own first three children at home in the mountains of Tennessee, one of them unassisted, I believe. When she became pregnant with her fourth child, she had been doing some doula work in hospitals. She told me she thought she'd birth this baby in a hospital. I asked her, "What do you mean? You've had great home births. What makes you want to go to the hospital?" She told me she wasn't sure, just that she had felt really comfortable in a certain hospital she had worked at, and felt drawn to give birth there. She arrived at the hospital in labour, and was very quickly rushed to the OR for an emergency C-section because of severe fetal distress due a real and serious umbilical cord problem. Her son was fine. And her next three children were born at home in the Dominican Republic.
I had a client once who was SO enthusiastic about water birth. She booked herself a space at the Birthing Centre where her midwife said there was a room for water birth. She even wrote an assignment for a training she was doing on the joys and benefits of water birth. So in labour, there she was in the water. 2 interesting things happened, that were probably unrelated (but who knows?), but I'll mention them both. One thing, was that about five minutes before the baby was actually born, she got this look on her face of seriousness. She looked at me and announced, not with a fearful tone, but just in a very matter of fact way that she didn't want to be in the water any more. She is a joyful lady with a lovely sense of humour, so this sudden change to serious was unexpected. I was surprised, but just got her out of the tub as she wished. She hopped on the bed and birthed her lovely child. That baby had the teeniest tiniest little cord you ever did see! There was no way we could even put the baby on her because the cord was so short. The midwife said, "Wow, that's interesting. Had you given birth in the tub, we wouldn't have been able to lift the baby out of the water." Not that this would have been dangerous necessarily, just that it might have been pretty awkward to get the mom and babe out of the tub.
The other thing was that in the tub while the baby was making its descent into her birth canal, she was sitting in a really strange way. I can't even describe it, except that it looked like she was trying to open up one side of her pelvis as widely as possible. It looked super uncomfortable, but that's how she wanted to be. I did some bodywork with her a few days after the birth of her baby and found one leg to be quite shorter than the other and her pelvis very contracted on the side she had been intuitively opening up in labour. She told me she had been in a bad car accident during her childhood, and had sustained injury to her pelvis, but it was not something she had consciously thought of during labour. But her body "knew", and so most likely did her baby, sending her messages the mysterious ways babies do.
I cannot tell you how many times I've been with women, lots of them first time moms, who are told they are 2cm dilated or so upon arrival at the hospital, but contracting as if in active, not early labour. Often, nurses want to send these women home, because the belief is that if you're only 2cm dilated with your first baby, you've still got many hours to go. But many of those moms announced there was no way they were going to go home because they were sure, because of how they felt, they were moving right along in labour. And it's crazy how often they are argued with, being told they're just not managing their pain very well, and that it's only going to get harder, and they might even "need" an epidural later if they're feeling labour that strongly at "only" 2cm. But I tell them, "you're contracting great! Your cervix is going to catch right on up to those contractions." And so it usually does, proving that for them, active labour can certainly be going on at 2cm, no matter who believes them.
I remember having a client who was having SERIOUS contractions. But they were far apart, like about 8 minutes or so. They were intense enough to make her want to get to the hospital. I arrived, and she was sitting on a bed on a monitor with a barf bowl under her chin, and that really stoned look women get between contractions when labour is powering on. I watched her contract, and though she wasn't making much noise, you could tell it was a really good one. The nurse looked at the monitor and laughed at her, telling her she shouldn't have come to the hospital yet, that contractions HAD to be closer together for them to even consider taking her in. I asked the nurse to check her, just in case, because I had a feeling this mom was in really active labour. The nurse didn't want to, but did. The mom was 7-8 cm, and gave birth quite soon afterwards. I don't put much stock in numbers of centimetres of dilation, but I'm glad for the mom's sake her cervix gave the nurse the numerical "evidence" she wanted to admit my client.
I just don't understand why a woman who says, "I think the baby is coming sooner than you think" is met with arguments against the claim of her own experience. My doula colleague who works primarily with a community that has lots of babies sometimes ends up actually catching the baby in the hospital because the medical staff don't always believe the woman will deliver as quickly as she says she will. If a mother of 8 says, "The baby is coming!", and her cervix gets checked (grrrr) and you hear it's 4cm, believe the mother, not the cm. Put on gloves if the doctors leave the room in disbelief. TRUST THE WOMAN!
A few weeks ago, a lady called me in the morning saying, "I sort of feel something happening, but I'm not sure...just lots of pressure..no pain or anything. I wanted to give you a heads up." I hung up thinking, because it was her second baby, that things might rev up quickly. Just the sound of her voice sort of gave me a feeling. Sure enough, on my way to a prenatal appointment, the woman called me up crying fearfully that contractions were coming really close together, were intense, she was alone in the house and couldn't reach her husband at work. I booted over there in about 10 minutes to find her on hands and knees making active labour noises. I managed to get in contact with her husband and mother-in-law to make arrangements with her other child, and then I wondered what the best option would be. I was wondering how long we had before this baby was going to make her arrival. Things looked and sounded convincing, and I knew if her waters broke, I'd be catching a baby. Ambulance? Cab? So I figured I'd ask the mom. In a small space between huge contractions, I put my hand on her back and said her name, and asked her to look at me (I normally wouldn't interrupt a woman's concentration like this, but I felt she would be able to give me information I needed). I asked her straight up, making deep eye contact. "Are we going to make it to the hospital?" She stopped breathing heavily, checked in for a second, and said, "yes, we are." So I called the cab. The baby was born about 45 minutes after we arrived, 5 minutes after her waters broke.
I have many many more stories like this to illustrate a woman's deep connection to her body and her baby, but you're all gonna have to wait for my book to come out next year :)
I'm really digging this exercise in blogging, and could go on for hours, wind bag that I am. But I'm going to be making my posts a little shorter in the future in order to make more progress on my book. It's going to be called: Choosing Wisely: A Doula's Guide to a Happy Birth Day.
So, just to reiterate before I retreat back into real life (hyper kids who have eaten too much Friday night sugar, a lady whose waters have been broken all day, and many new client requests to process):
Intuition is often undervalued in our medical system. We need to listen carefully to women, and pay attention to our own feelings as well. BUT, it doesn't mean intuition is all we should use. It is one tool out of many. A primary caregiver having excellent clinical skills and experience AS WELL as good instincts and a gentle, compassionate, honouring bedside manner is ideal.
Night, all!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
A Doula's Basic Guide To Nourishing Your Pregnancy
Technically, it takes very little to have a decent birth experience. Most women can squat in a forest and have a baby without any instructions, never mind interventions. Of course, things happen beyond our control, but MOST of the time, the process works fine. I have heard midwife Karen Strange say, "Birth is meant to work when noone else is there," and I believe that is true for the vast majority of birthings.
As a doula, I know for a fact that many outcomes that have been less than favourable have actually been caused by too much meddling with the process...too much doubt, too many attempts to control all contingencies. And I have also sadly seen not wonderful outcomes when there have been no interventions and there should have been. So, knowing as a reality there truly isn't much control over what direction a birth decides to take, there are ways you can increase your chance of a nice, happy birth. No guarantees, but a fighting chance doesn't hurt.
I've outlined a few steps on how to nourish yourself during pregnancy and beyond. Nourishment is a concept that goes far beyond just what you put in your mouth. It refers to anything you "digest" physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
1) Eat well.
Eating well is a very important aspect of prenatal care. It cannot be emphasized enough that good nutrition is essential to creating the best chances for the best outcome. I have seen women heal symptoms from the annoying to the dangerous by adjusting her diet. Your baby's optimal growth is dependent upon the food you take in. Yes, I know, even ladies in very poor circumstances can have reasonably healthy babies, but we're talking about optimal health. It's not hard to eat well....eating organically as much as possible is preferable, but if that is not possible, many find that simple, healthy food is actually a lot cheaper than processed food. Why not give it a go?
2)Exercise gently
Walking, yoga, swimming, bellydancing...these are all ways not just to nourish and tone your body and make you strong and supple for birth, but to help you connect more deeply to your centre. These exercises put you in a more meditative state, perhaps helping you discover areas you hold tension, and help you work through that tension.
3)Receive loving touch.
Massage, osteopathy, shiatsu, chiropractic...all of these things help you relax, aid in balancing and aligning your body, and work out aches and pains. They can also help you with somatic/emotional integration, as what often happens with receiving bodywork is a greater awareness of where unprocessed emotions tend to live in your body.
4)Gravitate towards those you have the best relationships with.
Loving, nurturing relationships are crucial to the wellbeing of the pregnant woman. Laughing with good friends, chlling with your mom, having great sex with your partner, consciously tending to and being tended help you grow your baby in an environment of love. If you're having challenges in your primary relationships, it's important to have a safe space to talk about these issues. If there were ever a time to get on top of challenges in your love relationship, now would be it for you and your partner to actively work on problems, either together intentionally, or with the help of a good counsellor. Things won't get easier after the birth of the baby. Being on the same page and figuring out each other's values surrounding parenting is something that should be worked out.
5)Work with your emotions.
Take inventory of some of the things in your life you'd like to explore, like fears around your changing identity from regular old you into a mother, fears about childbirth, or patterns you've outgrown but haven't found ways to change. Preparing for birth and motherhood is about creating space. When you can let go of some of the emotional energy you may be hanging onto, you have greater access to the resources you need to give birth and mother in a more grounded way. There are many tools you can use to process your emotions, from journaling, creating art, talking to loved ones, or talking to a trusted teacher/guide/therapist.
6)Surround yourself with beauty.
When your surroundings are clean and comfortable, you tend to feel like you have more space within as well as without. The nesting energy of later pregnancy tends to help us with this task. Taking walks outside in Nature and watching movies or things on TV that are uplifting, funny, or inspirational are probably healthier than subjecting yourself and your baby to the chemical reactions that inevitably occur when viewing something violent. Let the smells that suffuse your home be gentle, natural, and yummy, not harsh and chemically.
7)Breathe.
Learning to breathe deeply into all parts of your body to receive life giving energy, then breathing out tension is essential to help you achieve deep relaxation. Learning to focus your breath will help you cope with labour and moments of stress in parenting. Having something for your mind to chew on during labour can be really helpful, and breathing is a great tool. Practice it every day. If you are interested in breathing techniques for labour, you can find many resources to learn them. But practice. I find the most useful breath work is deep abdominal breathing, "ocean breath" of yoga, and vocalization to help release the intense sensations of labour. A great prenatal yoga teacher can be a gem to your pregnancy.
7)Educate yourself properly.
Reading a bunch of things about the birth process that are scary or alarmist doesn't really help you. Instead, focusing on positive stories of birth and breastfeeding will keep you less stressed, keeping in mind that stress affects your hormones, thus affects birthing and milk let down. You already know the unexpected can happen, but delving into all the possibilities just "to know" isn't as healthy as perhaps focusing on the couple of things that really stand out to you as frightening. If this is the case, focus on those and figure out what's bugging you and why. Do some emotional work around it to discover what energy is bound up with these fears. Don't let people tell you their horror stories about birth. Your hearing them will not help you "prepare".
Learning your birthing options is crucial to your education. As it's been said, "if you don't know your options, you don't have any." Your doula or midwife should be able to help you with this, and guide you towards the best resources to give you the most practical prenatal preparation education for birth and mothering. If you are being followed medically, talking to your doctor about your options is important to figure out the birthing terrain. Do a tour of your hospital to find out what sort of resources they have to support your desires. The last thing you want to be is vulnerable to medical interventions you don't want by not knowing your rights as a consumer of medical care. Private prenatal education tends to be more nuturing and helpful than hospital sponsored classes, though great teachers can be found here too if you don't have any other resources.
8)Gather support.
If you are going to give birth in a hospital, quite simply, you need a doula, especially if you are hoping for a low to no intervention birth experience and good start to breastfeeding. Hire a postpartum doula to help you build your confidence and make sure you are nurtured afterwards. Ask friends to bring you food if they want to visit. If you've ever thought about hiring help around the house, now would be a good time. Make sure your doctor or midwife are on board with your desires as much as possible. If your doctor or midwife make you feel small for asking questions, even LOTS of them, or don't honour you with straight answers, you probably don't have the appropriate caregiver for you. So CHANGE caregivers. I help people do this all the time. You are entitled to ask questions, and deserve their time of day. Remember, even if your doctor or midwife are truly too busy to give you the time you need (not because they're mean, but because there is a terrible shortage and they need to serve as many people as possible), a doula or good childbirth educator can help you fill in the blanks.
9)Slow down.
Growing a baby is a full time job, and often women work in worlds that look down upon pregnancy, or are not fully supportive of the physiological and emotional shifts that go on. Working right up 'til your due date is not something I normally recommend, unless your job is something that really nourishes you or you simply cannot afford to take the time off (in which case, make space where you can, at lunchtime or breaks). I know that my pregnancies were a very rich time of creative energy, and I needed time to bring forth those creations. Stopping to communicate with your baby inside, taking time to envision your birth, making space for emotional checking in...these are all important aspects of preparing for birth. Imagine working in a stressful environment right 'til the day you go into labour, your head full of "to do" lists and worries about "abandoning" your work? This could make labour...interesting.
10)Let go.
Now that you've done all your work, let it go. Your birth and breastfeeding experience will unfold as it will. The tools you have used to nourish yourself as fully as you can will serve you well to weather your experience. Knowing you did all you could to prepare yourself body, mind, and soul, you own your birth. You have taken responsibility. You have the resources to cope with all the richness and complexity that is your own unique birth and mothering experience.
Blessed birthing!
As a doula, I know for a fact that many outcomes that have been less than favourable have actually been caused by too much meddling with the process...too much doubt, too many attempts to control all contingencies. And I have also sadly seen not wonderful outcomes when there have been no interventions and there should have been. So, knowing as a reality there truly isn't much control over what direction a birth decides to take, there are ways you can increase your chance of a nice, happy birth. No guarantees, but a fighting chance doesn't hurt.
I've outlined a few steps on how to nourish yourself during pregnancy and beyond. Nourishment is a concept that goes far beyond just what you put in your mouth. It refers to anything you "digest" physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
1) Eat well.
Eating well is a very important aspect of prenatal care. It cannot be emphasized enough that good nutrition is essential to creating the best chances for the best outcome. I have seen women heal symptoms from the annoying to the dangerous by adjusting her diet. Your baby's optimal growth is dependent upon the food you take in. Yes, I know, even ladies in very poor circumstances can have reasonably healthy babies, but we're talking about optimal health. It's not hard to eat well....eating organically as much as possible is preferable, but if that is not possible, many find that simple, healthy food is actually a lot cheaper than processed food. Why not give it a go?
2)Exercise gently
Walking, yoga, swimming, bellydancing...these are all ways not just to nourish and tone your body and make you strong and supple for birth, but to help you connect more deeply to your centre. These exercises put you in a more meditative state, perhaps helping you discover areas you hold tension, and help you work through that tension.
3)Receive loving touch.
Massage, osteopathy, shiatsu, chiropractic...all of these things help you relax, aid in balancing and aligning your body, and work out aches and pains. They can also help you with somatic/emotional integration, as what often happens with receiving bodywork is a greater awareness of where unprocessed emotions tend to live in your body.
4)Gravitate towards those you have the best relationships with.
Loving, nurturing relationships are crucial to the wellbeing of the pregnant woman. Laughing with good friends, chlling with your mom, having great sex with your partner, consciously tending to and being tended help you grow your baby in an environment of love. If you're having challenges in your primary relationships, it's important to have a safe space to talk about these issues. If there were ever a time to get on top of challenges in your love relationship, now would be it for you and your partner to actively work on problems, either together intentionally, or with the help of a good counsellor. Things won't get easier after the birth of the baby. Being on the same page and figuring out each other's values surrounding parenting is something that should be worked out.
5)Work with your emotions.
Take inventory of some of the things in your life you'd like to explore, like fears around your changing identity from regular old you into a mother, fears about childbirth, or patterns you've outgrown but haven't found ways to change. Preparing for birth and motherhood is about creating space. When you can let go of some of the emotional energy you may be hanging onto, you have greater access to the resources you need to give birth and mother in a more grounded way. There are many tools you can use to process your emotions, from journaling, creating art, talking to loved ones, or talking to a trusted teacher/guide/therapist.
6)Surround yourself with beauty.
When your surroundings are clean and comfortable, you tend to feel like you have more space within as well as without. The nesting energy of later pregnancy tends to help us with this task. Taking walks outside in Nature and watching movies or things on TV that are uplifting, funny, or inspirational are probably healthier than subjecting yourself and your baby to the chemical reactions that inevitably occur when viewing something violent. Let the smells that suffuse your home be gentle, natural, and yummy, not harsh and chemically.
7)Breathe.
Learning to breathe deeply into all parts of your body to receive life giving energy, then breathing out tension is essential to help you achieve deep relaxation. Learning to focus your breath will help you cope with labour and moments of stress in parenting. Having something for your mind to chew on during labour can be really helpful, and breathing is a great tool. Practice it every day. If you are interested in breathing techniques for labour, you can find many resources to learn them. But practice. I find the most useful breath work is deep abdominal breathing, "ocean breath" of yoga, and vocalization to help release the intense sensations of labour. A great prenatal yoga teacher can be a gem to your pregnancy.
7)Educate yourself properly.
Reading a bunch of things about the birth process that are scary or alarmist doesn't really help you. Instead, focusing on positive stories of birth and breastfeeding will keep you less stressed, keeping in mind that stress affects your hormones, thus affects birthing and milk let down. You already know the unexpected can happen, but delving into all the possibilities just "to know" isn't as healthy as perhaps focusing on the couple of things that really stand out to you as frightening. If this is the case, focus on those and figure out what's bugging you and why. Do some emotional work around it to discover what energy is bound up with these fears. Don't let people tell you their horror stories about birth. Your hearing them will not help you "prepare".
Learning your birthing options is crucial to your education. As it's been said, "if you don't know your options, you don't have any." Your doula or midwife should be able to help you with this, and guide you towards the best resources to give you the most practical prenatal preparation education for birth and mothering. If you are being followed medically, talking to your doctor about your options is important to figure out the birthing terrain. Do a tour of your hospital to find out what sort of resources they have to support your desires. The last thing you want to be is vulnerable to medical interventions you don't want by not knowing your rights as a consumer of medical care. Private prenatal education tends to be more nuturing and helpful than hospital sponsored classes, though great teachers can be found here too if you don't have any other resources.
8)Gather support.
If you are going to give birth in a hospital, quite simply, you need a doula, especially if you are hoping for a low to no intervention birth experience and good start to breastfeeding. Hire a postpartum doula to help you build your confidence and make sure you are nurtured afterwards. Ask friends to bring you food if they want to visit. If you've ever thought about hiring help around the house, now would be a good time. Make sure your doctor or midwife are on board with your desires as much as possible. If your doctor or midwife make you feel small for asking questions, even LOTS of them, or don't honour you with straight answers, you probably don't have the appropriate caregiver for you. So CHANGE caregivers. I help people do this all the time. You are entitled to ask questions, and deserve their time of day. Remember, even if your doctor or midwife are truly too busy to give you the time you need (not because they're mean, but because there is a terrible shortage and they need to serve as many people as possible), a doula or good childbirth educator can help you fill in the blanks.
9)Slow down.
Growing a baby is a full time job, and often women work in worlds that look down upon pregnancy, or are not fully supportive of the physiological and emotional shifts that go on. Working right up 'til your due date is not something I normally recommend, unless your job is something that really nourishes you or you simply cannot afford to take the time off (in which case, make space where you can, at lunchtime or breaks). I know that my pregnancies were a very rich time of creative energy, and I needed time to bring forth those creations. Stopping to communicate with your baby inside, taking time to envision your birth, making space for emotional checking in...these are all important aspects of preparing for birth. Imagine working in a stressful environment right 'til the day you go into labour, your head full of "to do" lists and worries about "abandoning" your work? This could make labour...interesting.
10)Let go.
Now that you've done all your work, let it go. Your birth and breastfeeding experience will unfold as it will. The tools you have used to nourish yourself as fully as you can will serve you well to weather your experience. Knowing you did all you could to prepare yourself body, mind, and soul, you own your birth. You have taken responsibility. You have the resources to cope with all the richness and complexity that is your own unique birth and mothering experience.
Blessed birthing!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Loving my Doula Soirees!
MotherWit had a wonderful meeting tonight. Though we didn't have a huge turnout (not unusual in mid January), the feeling was great, and the parents who had come for information left feeling informed, nurtured, and calmed. But what made them feel this way was not just the presence of 5 great doulas, but the presence of the new parents. We had the pleasure of having a few couples come with their older babies, and it was they who provided answers to the questions, and they who gave the basic message "hey, we were where you are, clueless and scared, and here we are now, confident and happy." There was a particular moment when a mother with her six month old baby said to the terrified, expecting mother "I was petrified when I got pregnant with Emily. I even asked Lesley if labour was going to feel like torture. And you know what? I ended up giving birth naturally!" Now what could possibly be more reassuring than that? Nothing I could say as a professional could resonate so deeply as this message.
I'm seeing part of my mission as a doula in healing a wounded birth culture is not just going to the births and helping to create good outcomes, but bringing people together so the ones who come out of it feeling like the rock stars they SHOULD feel like, can tell the ones sitting scared, "you know what? No matter what, you're gonna be a rock star too! If I can do it, so can YOU."
Our birth culture is hungry for new stories. No more should women who are contemplating a natural birth be met with the voices of resistance, "are you CRAZY? Why would you not go into the hospital as soon as it hurts and get 'your' epidural?" Can you imagine instead the impact upon a woman with a fledgling hope for a natural birth in a hospital hearing from a new mother, "Honey, of course you can give birth naturally. I did!"? We don't get these stories very often out of hospital birthing moms. But we are starting to more and more as doulas help to contribute to better birth outcomes, simply by honouring the mother's space and reducing distractions, providing encouragement, reinforcing that all the mother is doing to help her body open is great. Messages from new mothers help to deepen that impact, and community grows. Healing spreads. Our stories reflect the healing. As a doula, I am a story keeper, and the more stories I have of beautiful births to share, the more women will believe, "hey, I can do this too!"
Here is how you can contribute to the healing...it's not hard, and I encourage you and all your friends to share this message. When an expecting parent tells you they want to have a natural birth in a hospital, don't fill them up with anything negative. Don't say, "oh, it's impossible to have a natural birth in a hospital!" Because you'd be dishonouring their choice to birth where they feel safest. Don't tell them any horror stories about natural birth. I don't think any of my readers here would do that, but if you are in the presence of someone else doing so, intervene with something healing and positive. Instead, fill them with stories of success. You will not be misleading them. Assume they are intelligent and know the benefits vs. the risks of their choices. Allow no horrific stories in the presence of a pregnant woman. It is not necessary as part of her education. Instead, reinforce the great design of her body. Tell her her round belly is beautiful!
Let's let the expecting father know we trust he will know how to come through for his partner, that he will not be the dufus he thinks he's going to be. When I hear my new daddies telling the daddies-to-be, "don't be afraid. You are going to be amazed at how strong she is," this gives them permission to embrace this process as a journey the couple will go through together. So many fathers feel like they're going to be annoying sidekicks, and our culture really doesn't give enough praise to the amazing job the vast majority of fathers do to support their women in labour. My husband was a 22 year old boy when we had our first baby, and there is no way I could have birthed without him, his intuition and trust in me keeping my path alight. Let us change the story that men don't know how to handle birth. Even the ones who think it's icky still can have a profoundly positive emotional impact. So let's build them up instead of scaring them into thinking they're going to barf and faint when they look between their spouses' legs when the baby crowns.
I am tired now, and given to rambling when exhausted, so i will say good night, and go to bed happy, knowing there are a few more people in the world who have reclaimed a little of their motherwit about birthing.
I'm seeing part of my mission as a doula in healing a wounded birth culture is not just going to the births and helping to create good outcomes, but bringing people together so the ones who come out of it feeling like the rock stars they SHOULD feel like, can tell the ones sitting scared, "you know what? No matter what, you're gonna be a rock star too! If I can do it, so can YOU."
Our birth culture is hungry for new stories. No more should women who are contemplating a natural birth be met with the voices of resistance, "are you CRAZY? Why would you not go into the hospital as soon as it hurts and get 'your' epidural?" Can you imagine instead the impact upon a woman with a fledgling hope for a natural birth in a hospital hearing from a new mother, "Honey, of course you can give birth naturally. I did!"? We don't get these stories very often out of hospital birthing moms. But we are starting to more and more as doulas help to contribute to better birth outcomes, simply by honouring the mother's space and reducing distractions, providing encouragement, reinforcing that all the mother is doing to help her body open is great. Messages from new mothers help to deepen that impact, and community grows. Healing spreads. Our stories reflect the healing. As a doula, I am a story keeper, and the more stories I have of beautiful births to share, the more women will believe, "hey, I can do this too!"
Here is how you can contribute to the healing...it's not hard, and I encourage you and all your friends to share this message. When an expecting parent tells you they want to have a natural birth in a hospital, don't fill them up with anything negative. Don't say, "oh, it's impossible to have a natural birth in a hospital!" Because you'd be dishonouring their choice to birth where they feel safest. Don't tell them any horror stories about natural birth. I don't think any of my readers here would do that, but if you are in the presence of someone else doing so, intervene with something healing and positive. Instead, fill them with stories of success. You will not be misleading them. Assume they are intelligent and know the benefits vs. the risks of their choices. Allow no horrific stories in the presence of a pregnant woman. It is not necessary as part of her education. Instead, reinforce the great design of her body. Tell her her round belly is beautiful!
Let's let the expecting father know we trust he will know how to come through for his partner, that he will not be the dufus he thinks he's going to be. When I hear my new daddies telling the daddies-to-be, "don't be afraid. You are going to be amazed at how strong she is," this gives them permission to embrace this process as a journey the couple will go through together. So many fathers feel like they're going to be annoying sidekicks, and our culture really doesn't give enough praise to the amazing job the vast majority of fathers do to support their women in labour. My husband was a 22 year old boy when we had our first baby, and there is no way I could have birthed without him, his intuition and trust in me keeping my path alight. Let us change the story that men don't know how to handle birth. Even the ones who think it's icky still can have a profoundly positive emotional impact. So let's build them up instead of scaring them into thinking they're going to barf and faint when they look between their spouses' legs when the baby crowns.
I am tired now, and given to rambling when exhausted, so i will say good night, and go to bed happy, knowing there are a few more people in the world who have reclaimed a little of their motherwit about birthing.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Belly Dance for Birth
What a treat I received in the mail today! Maha Al Musa, creator and teacher of BellydanceBirth, and author of Dance of the Womb, contacted me a few weeks ago, telling me she enjoyed reading my blog on "Control". She asked if she could possibly quote part of it in her classes. After chatting by email a few times, we realized we shared many of the same views about birth. She was so kind in sending me a copy of her dvd, Dance of the Womb. I had the pleasure of being able to take a couple of hours to sit and enjoy it in total.
I have always naturally gravitated towards belly dancing, embracing it as a magic we women can use to create with our sacred hips patterns that help us connect to our ancestral memories and process things in our lives. Maha uses this ancient art of belly dancing to help women create flexibility and strength in pregnancy,to provide a wonderful, effective tool to work through the intensity of labour contractions, and as a valuable way of facilitating easier dilation and birth.
It is a very thorough dvd, so either you can study it as if you were doing a workshop with Maha, following it all in one go, or by chapter, perhaps studying one chapter per day. If you choose to study it in spurts, definitely do the warm up exercises before each time, as they feel SO good!
Dance of the Womb is a JOY to follow. As you learn how to emulate with your hips the sacred patterns of the circle, the spiral, the figure eight, the "cervix dance" (which is subtle, but very powerful), the chest movements and dances of the hands and arms, you connect to a beautiful fluidity. There is one point where Maha, gloriously pregnant at the age of 46, demonstrates the wide hip circle while leaning against a chair. If you have witnessed birth, you will resonate with how universal this dance is, as so many women, if you leave them to their own devices, will feel their thought processes slow and their bodies release, naturally swaying their hips to the timeless rhythm that is Birth. While we cannot control our births, Maha helps us to tune into our innermost selves and use our bodies and breath to help manage the intensity of labour.
There was a small part of me which wished, for a little moment, that I could give birth again just to be able to consciously and joyfully bellydance throughout labour! That won't be happening any time soon, but I did actually receive a great benefit...my mid back, which has been bothering me for days, felt a lot better after doing the chest circles. As she freely caresses her pregnant belly with her hands and massages her baby with her dancing hips, Maha is a vision of fullness and beauty. But the movements come from such a natural, intuitive place, that she makes every woman feel like they can do it too, regardless of how much "technique" they are worried about lacking. Perfection is not important here..what is emphasized is feeling good while doing it..and it does feel good!
Maha narrates the dvd and gives the instructions in a very soothing voice with her cute Australian accent and allows viewers ample time to play with the movements, allowing us to go more deeply into the hypnotic music that reflects her Middle Eastern roots. Her words are nourishing. They heal us of our doubts about our abilities to give birth. Our hips, bellies, and wombs, designed with perfection, can bring our babies down and out without much help from our minds. By practising Bellydance for Birth, you can get a glimpse of what that magical endorphin/oxytocin suffused labour trance feels like, which transports us to a place where anything, even bringing forth life, is possible.
Maha treats us at the end of the dvd to an interview with the two midwives who attended the homebirth of her baby girl, interspersed with images and video clips of her labouring and giving birth. What I appreciate about these clips is that it is clear there is no promise that Belly Dancing for Birth makes labour "easy" or "painless". Maha and the midwives do not shy away from discussing the reality of pain in childbirth, speaking of it as normal and life giving. We get to see Maha challenged by contractions, and using the Bellydance to help manage the intense energy of the contractions, and releasing tension through movement and breath. We see her allow herself to freely release emotions to help keep the progression of labour going smoothly, and even get to witness as one of her midwives bellydances close to her, as if to share some of the burden, in a beautiful display of purely feminine commiseration.
If you are pregnant and searching for a way to prepare for childbirth, creating space and fluidity in the body and mind is essential, through the practice of BellyDanceBirth and/or Prenatal Yoga. These tools are FAR more important than learning how to look at a clock to "diagnose" your labour progress. Learning how to let go of our big think-y brains and breathe, moan, and dance away our labour tensions are valuable lessons. If you are a professional who works with pregnant and birthing women, Maha Al Musa will be giving trainings in instruction on BellydanceBirth, the Al Musa method, in the near future. I am happy to report that Maha and I are discussing a potential workshop in Montreal next year. So please visit Maha at http://www.bellydanceforbirth.com/ to keep abreast of trainings and goings on.
Thanks, Maha!
Lesley
I have always naturally gravitated towards belly dancing, embracing it as a magic we women can use to create with our sacred hips patterns that help us connect to our ancestral memories and process things in our lives. Maha uses this ancient art of belly dancing to help women create flexibility and strength in pregnancy,to provide a wonderful, effective tool to work through the intensity of labour contractions, and as a valuable way of facilitating easier dilation and birth.
It is a very thorough dvd, so either you can study it as if you were doing a workshop with Maha, following it all in one go, or by chapter, perhaps studying one chapter per day. If you choose to study it in spurts, definitely do the warm up exercises before each time, as they feel SO good!
Dance of the Womb is a JOY to follow. As you learn how to emulate with your hips the sacred patterns of the circle, the spiral, the figure eight, the "cervix dance" (which is subtle, but very powerful), the chest movements and dances of the hands and arms, you connect to a beautiful fluidity. There is one point where Maha, gloriously pregnant at the age of 46, demonstrates the wide hip circle while leaning against a chair. If you have witnessed birth, you will resonate with how universal this dance is, as so many women, if you leave them to their own devices, will feel their thought processes slow and their bodies release, naturally swaying their hips to the timeless rhythm that is Birth. While we cannot control our births, Maha helps us to tune into our innermost selves and use our bodies and breath to help manage the intensity of labour.
There was a small part of me which wished, for a little moment, that I could give birth again just to be able to consciously and joyfully bellydance throughout labour! That won't be happening any time soon, but I did actually receive a great benefit...my mid back, which has been bothering me for days, felt a lot better after doing the chest circles. As she freely caresses her pregnant belly with her hands and massages her baby with her dancing hips, Maha is a vision of fullness and beauty. But the movements come from such a natural, intuitive place, that she makes every woman feel like they can do it too, regardless of how much "technique" they are worried about lacking. Perfection is not important here..what is emphasized is feeling good while doing it..and it does feel good!
Maha narrates the dvd and gives the instructions in a very soothing voice with her cute Australian accent and allows viewers ample time to play with the movements, allowing us to go more deeply into the hypnotic music that reflects her Middle Eastern roots. Her words are nourishing. They heal us of our doubts about our abilities to give birth. Our hips, bellies, and wombs, designed with perfection, can bring our babies down and out without much help from our minds. By practising Bellydance for Birth, you can get a glimpse of what that magical endorphin/oxytocin suffused labour trance feels like, which transports us to a place where anything, even bringing forth life, is possible.
Maha treats us at the end of the dvd to an interview with the two midwives who attended the homebirth of her baby girl, interspersed with images and video clips of her labouring and giving birth. What I appreciate about these clips is that it is clear there is no promise that Belly Dancing for Birth makes labour "easy" or "painless". Maha and the midwives do not shy away from discussing the reality of pain in childbirth, speaking of it as normal and life giving. We get to see Maha challenged by contractions, and using the Bellydance to help manage the intense energy of the contractions, and releasing tension through movement and breath. We see her allow herself to freely release emotions to help keep the progression of labour going smoothly, and even get to witness as one of her midwives bellydances close to her, as if to share some of the burden, in a beautiful display of purely feminine commiseration.
If you are pregnant and searching for a way to prepare for childbirth, creating space and fluidity in the body and mind is essential, through the practice of BellyDanceBirth and/or Prenatal Yoga. These tools are FAR more important than learning how to look at a clock to "diagnose" your labour progress. Learning how to let go of our big think-y brains and breathe, moan, and dance away our labour tensions are valuable lessons. If you are a professional who works with pregnant and birthing women, Maha Al Musa will be giving trainings in instruction on BellydanceBirth, the Al Musa method, in the near future. I am happy to report that Maha and I are discussing a potential workshop in Montreal next year. So please visit Maha at http://www.bellydanceforbirth.com/ to keep abreast of trainings and goings on.
Thanks, Maha!
Lesley
Saturday, January 16, 2010
The Birth of my Daughter Oona
Today is my daughter Oona's 12th birthday. I am reposting this blog in honour of her exhilarating and magical birth. Enjoy.
On the eve of my third child's birthday, I feel moved to write out her birth story. Oona is my second daughter, and in the wee hours of the morning, she will be 11 years old.
Oona's pregnancy felt different from the others. My first trimester nausea was quite intense, and I had a lot of food cravings. I used to HATE cilantro with a passion. If it was in anything that arrived in a restaurant, I'd be unable to eat it. With Oona's pregnancy, I craved it, and it now remains one of my favourite tastes. I wanted lots of bitter greens with apple cider vinegar dressing. Green apples were appreciated too. And bacon. Oh, sweet bacon. The only time I didn't feel nauseated was when I ate bacon. Boy, did that ever make my family happy, because it's not a food we eat a lot of! I also craved the occasional sour peach candy, which, to this day, is Oona's favourite sweet. I had an aversion to clothing, so in the morning my kids would laugh because they'd see a heap of all my clothes beside my favourite chair and thought it was hilarious I'd sit there bare naked at night. I had a lot of fatigue...a really deep feeling of tired in my bones. It was hard to get things done. But otherwise, everything went well. My son weaned at 3.5 years, claiming the milk tasted yucky, on condition that I knew he was planning to start up again once the "real" milk came in when the baby was born. He let go of that idea a week before she was born, which made me relieved, because I spent a couple years tandem nursing, and it's not easy.
I am so grateful for this birth, as it healed so much for me as a woman. My first birth was lovely. a homebirth that went beautifully, though the second stage was extremely challenging, my daughter deciding to come out star gazing. I had to squat for 3 hours, intermingled with belly dancing, to get her down and out. My second child, my first boy, was even more challenging. Also occiput posterior, I experienced back labour I didn't have with my first. Back labour, for lack of a better word, sucks. The labour was a couple days long, far harder to cope with in terms of pain, discouraging because I was stuck at 5 cm for over 12 hours (which I know is not that long compared to some I've seen, but for me it is one of the hardest things I've done in my life) and I ended up being asked by my midwife to transfer to the hospital, where I birthed naturally a few hours later. That birth left me feeling discombobulated, like there were some physical and emotional issues I needed to explore, saddened at how profoundly those things, in my case, affected the birth of my beautiful son.
Oona is six and a half years younger than my first child, and 4 years younger than my second. The choice to birth at home was a no brainer. Homebirth was not legal at this time in Quebec, but I knew a very skilled and experienced midwife who was committed to providing this service to those who wanted it, and for her, I am deeply grateful. I had no ultrasounds, ate a supremely healthy diet to correct some blood sugar fluctuations I had, which were discovered by my midwife, as I did no glucose tolerance testing. I was in a great space emotionally, and felt well surrounded by a loving community of women friends. I had become aware of the principles of optimal fetal positioning, and made sure I didn't slump backwards while sitting, as was my usual habit. I was also reading and doing the yoga exercises in the late Jeanine Parvati Baker's book on prenatal yoga. In late pregnancy, it felt great to squat, so I did this a lot when my baby felt well positioned. I was studying psychosynthesis psychotherapy at the time, and was doing a lot of guided imagery work, as well as working hard on old emotional patterns I wanted to transform.
I did this work because I wanted to prepare for the potential for another long hard birth. I wanted to know that if it was as hard as the one before, I'd have the tools to get through it as gracefully as possible. I also received some osteopathic bodywork, which I feel really helped contribute to aligning my body to make contractions more efficient.
One thing I felt was crucial to my birthing was embracing it as a spiritual, as well as a physical/emotional process. I wanted to make that expression more intentional, so I asked my women friends to have a ceremony for me, a Blessingway, in which we sat in a circle, sang songs,and attached ourselves together with yarn to symbolize our sisterhood of birthing women(which was cut so each of us wore a yarn bracelet...the ladies wore them in support of me, and were to cut them off when the baby was born). We shared the most precious moments of our births with each other to create really positive energy, and I was massaged and given gifts of power objects to put around the house to help me remember my strength and power as a birthing woman, knowing I was connected in love to my sisters. I received things I still have today, and am so grateful for them all. Melissa gave me a poem about birth which still moves me to tears when I read it. Vanessa gave me a pair of big smiling lips on a little pedestal she fashioned out of fimo clay, and told me to remember, "loose lips means loose bottom." Brigitte gave me some worry beads, Rachel, a mother of twins she didn't know were twins until the second baby came out, gave me a beautiful drinking glass to remind me we all symbolically drink from the same cup as we are called to the dance of Birth. Heather gave me the thing I think I used the most in Oona's birth, which was a note card on which she had written birth affirmations, given to her by her midwife Gloria Lemay. The one that resonated most with me was "contractions are healthy for me and my baby." Because, as many of you know, it can be easy to forget when the going gets tough. I received other things too, all of them carefully placed around my home.
About a week before Oona was born, I had a very strong aversion to leaving the house much. I felt a little fearful going too far. I was obsessed with keeping things clean, so I spend a lot of time keeping on top of the mess a family of 4 and a big dog can make. I also had a home job doing data entry for a newspaper, as I wasn't going to be able to attend births for awhile. The day before Oona was born, my husband had plans to see a band play at Barfly, a bar/venue not far from where we lived. I really didn't want him to go, because I just had this feeling I wanted him home. I normally never have any problems with him going out for a few hours with a friend, but I really hadn't wanted him to leave. He reassured me, though, saying he had his pager, he was literally a 5 minute walk away, he wouldn't be going until the kids were already asleep, and would not be drinking alcohol. Except for a sink full of dishes, the house was cleaned to within an inch of its life, and I still had a bunch of data entry work to do anyway. So, even though I was grumpy about it, he went.
From about 11pm until 3am, I spent most of my time squatting on a chair in front of the computer, trying to finish up my work. We were a family of night owls. Our kids were home schooled, and both of us had jobs that were flexible with time, so we didn't need to get up early. I was having some intermittent waves of cramping, nothing that made me feel like the baby was coming then, though it made me think I would probably be having a baby in a few days. The weirdest thing was that I was having hot flashes every few minutes. They were intense sensations, but I rather enjoyed them, because they were different. I figured my hormone levels were getting quite ready to have a baby soon. After I finished working, I left my perch on the chair, and went to have a bath with some nice oils. I completely relaxed in there, and practised some deep breathing. All the hot flashes and cramping were gone, and I felt wonderful, ready for bed. Because I took an oily bath and was a nest-y pregnant woman, I scrubbed out the oil residue in the bath with baking soda to make sure nobody would slip in it the next day. Then I went to bed. While I turned back the covers (because when I'm pregnant and ONLY when I'm pregnant, my bed is perfectly made when I'm not in it), I had a strange flash on an image of a really happy little nine month old baby crawling on the kitchen floor. I figured I was really tired.
As I relaxed into a doze, my husband came home. I heard him go to the computer to check his email. Then I had a contraction. A BIG contraction. I looked at the bedside clock: 3:45am. Phew, I thought. I put it out of my mind and tried to get back to sleep. A couple minutes later, the same thing, and then it happened again. I got up and announced to my husband I was in labour. "oh, so you think the baby will be here by tomorrow night?" I thought, given my birthing history, he was jumping the gun a little, but I said, "yeah, possibly." I had another contraction which made me need to focus and breathe and I said, "oh, I am so NOT in the mood to be in labour! I'm so tired, and just want to go to bed!" My husband, who is really good at distracting me with humour if I'm annoyed, got me into a better space. We were in bed, me on my hands and knees, he sitting beside me, giggling. I would have contractions that made me need to stop, rock my hips, and follow my breath, but nothing I would call painful. He did point out that he was surprised how close together the waves were coming.
I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom, as my body was trying to create maximum space for the baby, and on the way started shaking uncontrollably, feeing really cold. I noticed I was bleeding a little, which assured me that I was definitely in labour. Up until then, I still wasn't sure. The contraction on the toilet made me emit a sound that alerted my husband...a mixture of a whimper and a yell. He came running in. "I KNOW that sound!" he said. "I'm calling Vanessa!" Vanessa was a dear friend I had chosen to help support me in labour. But Vanessa was not answering. The next day we discovered that even though she had been sleeping by the phone, she had not gotten the repeated calls because of a wire problem. Mitchell started getting stressed, because he was worrying about the kids waking up with nobody there to hang out with them while I laboured. He tried our next door neighbour and good friend Rachel. No reply! It turned out later that as he was trying to call her, she was receiving a fax from France. I could hear him running around muttering curses under his breath at the fact that nobody was answering their phones.
I went into our office where he was sitting and said, "Call the midwife." He asked, "REALLY? Are you sure you want her to come now?" I said that she absolutely should come, because it was feeling hard to cope, and I wasn't sure how I was going to handle such a long labour without some support. Given we couldn't get touch with my appointed doulas, I just wanted her there. Mitchell dialled and handed the phone to me, but there was no way I could talk to her. I just said, "tell her I feel the baby really low." He hung up and said she was on her way, and I had a huge contraction that made me almost drop to my knees except that Mitchell was behind me and held me up so I was in a supported squat. I felt like I had to push, which was ridiculous, because I was having a long birth. I told Mitchell everything was just far too heavy, and that I was going to hop in the shower to get a handle on myself. It wasn't that I was in a lot of pain. The contractions were totally manageable. It's just that they were really STRONG, and fast. It was hard to catch my breath, and I was afraid I was going to burn out, given that I was going to be having a long birth and all.
In the shower, I felt fantastic. I just allowed the massive waves to roll over me. They made me bellow, "Oh...my...GGGOOOOOOOOOODDD!!!!!!!" with a growly grunt at the end of them. I was not suffering, just thinking this was awfully strong pretty quick, and that I was being a bit dramatic considering I was just beginning labour. I was chanting to myself, "Labour is healthy for me and my baby, labour is healthy for me and my baby." and laughing, because it was so crazy. I started to feel a little faint from the heat, so I hopped out. As I walked towards the bed, I had one contraction I will remember for the rest of my life. It was huge, and painful. It filled me with a vision in my mind of wanting an ambulance to come and run over me to knock me out in a way that wouldn't do any harm to my baby and me, so we could wake up and the birth would all be over, Baby safe in my arms. Just one contraction of abject desperation. I got onto the bed on my hands and knees, and the next contraction alerted me to the fact that I was indeed having the baby. Not hours later at supper time, but NOW.
I saw a little naked child run past my vision into the bathroom, and then she came out. I begged her, "Kayleigh, Mummy is going to push out the baby, and I'm SO thirsty! Please get me some water." So she did. She assured me that my son Misha was okay. He had heard me yelling and had been scared, but Kayleigh, big six year old she was, assured him that it was just Mom having the baby and that everything was okay (Kayleigh had witnessed a couple labours before). He was apparently hiding with his head under the covers. Mitchell had gone out of the room, still trying to call people. I told him to start warming the baby blankets in the oven. The next contraction, I was clearly pushing uncontrollably, no pain anymore whatsoever. I got a teensy bit afraid for a moment, thinking, "the baby is coming with no midwife here. What if something happens?" But I have a guide who seems to come to me when things are chaotic birth-wise in my life, usually professionally. But the voice was here just for me. In my right ear it whispered, "you know, if the baby is coming this quickly, everything is fine." I calmed right down. No fear, and no pain. I called my husband back in the room, and told him to forget the blankets and just to crank the heat in the bedroom, as it was mid January. I pushed, and my daughter went, "oh, here it is! Wait, it's a big bubble!" My waters had not broken, and I was pushing out a big water filled balloon. The image of a giant bullfrog filled my mind. I also looked at the dishes in the kitchen through the bedroom door and thought, "ha, those ain't never gonna get done now!" The next contraction I wanted the head out. There was no pain as she crowned into her water bag. By this point, I intuitively was just lying back against some pillows, which was most comfortable. I pushed a little to move the head out and it felt GREAT when she emerged. We watched a well positioned little baby fill the water bag. My husband looked into my eyes and said, "Lesley, you know about these things. What do I do?" I said, "oh, just catch her," and then as her shoulder came out the water bag broke away in a bug rush of fluid, and there she was, pink and yelling. Healthy. Safe. Born into her father's hands, and put right onto my belly, where we covered her up with lots of blankets. I looked at the clock. 4:28am. 43 minutes from the first labour contraction. We were over the moon. I was in shock. It's over?! But it hardly even started! My husband was so excited, and so happy, "Oh my God, Les, you DID it..you DID it!"
The doorbell rang not long after and Mitchell ran to get it. While he was telling the midwife the baby was already born, Kayleigh asked me if it was a boy or a girl. Because it was so cold, I was in no hurry to unwrap the blankets and discover the baby's sex. I was just enjoying the moment. I figured we'd wait until the midwife came in. She looked shocked to see us all there, and I started babbling in French about how fast it was, even though I usually struggle in French. She took a peek at the baby, and we discovered she was indeed a girl. The placenta was born, and after she had nursed for awhile, we cut the cord. I had not torn. My son Misha stomped into the room and said, "I didn't want her to be born today, I didn't want it to be a girl, and I didn't want it to have brown hair!" and then he stomped out. We couldn't help giggling. He came back in soon, though, drawing pictures for his new sister. We called our nephew Jeremy to tell him he had a new baby cousin, as we had promised he'd be the first to know. Then we called my mom, who was shocked at how fast it was.
When the midwife left, Mitchell went to crawl in with Misha to comfort him, and Kayleigh, the baby, and I tried to sleep, but we couldn't. I told Kayleigh she could lie by the baby and love her all she wanted, that there would be plenty of time to sleep later.
The next morning, I had a dream, and awoke with the name "Oona" echoing in my mind. It was not a name we had considered, but in the dream I had flashed on a young woman I had met at party once. She was sitting crossed legged in the middle of a busy room, just serenely looking around. My friend asked her her name and she looked up at him with a sweet, beautiful Pixie face and said, "Oona." My friend said, "indeed." You know that feeling you feel when you've met an aptly named person? Well, my baby had this same fairy energy, and I announced her name to everyone. My husband said, "really? You want to call her that? We never talked about that name." And I said, because I knew it would sway him, "it rhymes with Baboona." That sold him. He snuggled her and called her his little Baboona, and we've never looked back. Oona is orginally "Oonagh",and from the sources I looked at, it means "fair" as in beautiful, and "healer". I learned later on that Oona is also Queen of the Fairies. I did not know that when I named her, though a more Fae child you would be hard pressed to find.
I buried Oona's placenta by a tree in our back yard in the summer. She grew into a laughing, sweet, easy going brown eyed baby. She nursed well, but was always slow to gain weight. But she always thrived, and has always been healthy, so I just attribute it to her Fairy roots.
Our first year together was an intense love affair. We got off to such a beautiful start, and I swear my Babymoon didn't wear off for months and months. My first baby was about my becoming a woman and a mother, about inspiring me to find my path. My second baby was about discovering incredible intuition, and bringing through a soul who was so familiar, I've known him forever. Oona, my third, showed me what my love looks like, and what the power of intention has the potential to create.
I made Oona a hazelnut torte with coffee buttercream filling and purple whipped cream surrounding the whole thing for her party. She has 4 friends over now for a sleepover. For a present, she wanted purple streaks in her hair. They look quite nice. She is a tiny little girl, a good head smaller than all her friends, who, at 11, are mostly taller than I am. She still loves to snuggle and spend time doing things with me. She loves to just hang out. And she is fierce. She can score four goals in a soccer game, and doesn't let herself get walked over. I am a thoroughly blessed and happy mother. I am enjoying these last few years of precious childhood, because in the next couple of years, she will be transitioning into teenagehood, and I will probably not be as important in her world. And that is well and good. I know our foundation will bring us through anything.
Happy Birthday, Boo! I love you.
On the eve of my third child's birthday, I feel moved to write out her birth story. Oona is my second daughter, and in the wee hours of the morning, she will be 11 years old.
Oona's pregnancy felt different from the others. My first trimester nausea was quite intense, and I had a lot of food cravings. I used to HATE cilantro with a passion. If it was in anything that arrived in a restaurant, I'd be unable to eat it. With Oona's pregnancy, I craved it, and it now remains one of my favourite tastes. I wanted lots of bitter greens with apple cider vinegar dressing. Green apples were appreciated too. And bacon. Oh, sweet bacon. The only time I didn't feel nauseated was when I ate bacon. Boy, did that ever make my family happy, because it's not a food we eat a lot of! I also craved the occasional sour peach candy, which, to this day, is Oona's favourite sweet. I had an aversion to clothing, so in the morning my kids would laugh because they'd see a heap of all my clothes beside my favourite chair and thought it was hilarious I'd sit there bare naked at night. I had a lot of fatigue...a really deep feeling of tired in my bones. It was hard to get things done. But otherwise, everything went well. My son weaned at 3.5 years, claiming the milk tasted yucky, on condition that I knew he was planning to start up again once the "real" milk came in when the baby was born. He let go of that idea a week before she was born, which made me relieved, because I spent a couple years tandem nursing, and it's not easy.
I am so grateful for this birth, as it healed so much for me as a woman. My first birth was lovely. a homebirth that went beautifully, though the second stage was extremely challenging, my daughter deciding to come out star gazing. I had to squat for 3 hours, intermingled with belly dancing, to get her down and out. My second child, my first boy, was even more challenging. Also occiput posterior, I experienced back labour I didn't have with my first. Back labour, for lack of a better word, sucks. The labour was a couple days long, far harder to cope with in terms of pain, discouraging because I was stuck at 5 cm for over 12 hours (which I know is not that long compared to some I've seen, but for me it is one of the hardest things I've done in my life) and I ended up being asked by my midwife to transfer to the hospital, where I birthed naturally a few hours later. That birth left me feeling discombobulated, like there were some physical and emotional issues I needed to explore, saddened at how profoundly those things, in my case, affected the birth of my beautiful son.
Oona is six and a half years younger than my first child, and 4 years younger than my second. The choice to birth at home was a no brainer. Homebirth was not legal at this time in Quebec, but I knew a very skilled and experienced midwife who was committed to providing this service to those who wanted it, and for her, I am deeply grateful. I had no ultrasounds, ate a supremely healthy diet to correct some blood sugar fluctuations I had, which were discovered by my midwife, as I did no glucose tolerance testing. I was in a great space emotionally, and felt well surrounded by a loving community of women friends. I had become aware of the principles of optimal fetal positioning, and made sure I didn't slump backwards while sitting, as was my usual habit. I was also reading and doing the yoga exercises in the late Jeanine Parvati Baker's book on prenatal yoga. In late pregnancy, it felt great to squat, so I did this a lot when my baby felt well positioned. I was studying psychosynthesis psychotherapy at the time, and was doing a lot of guided imagery work, as well as working hard on old emotional patterns I wanted to transform.
I did this work because I wanted to prepare for the potential for another long hard birth. I wanted to know that if it was as hard as the one before, I'd have the tools to get through it as gracefully as possible. I also received some osteopathic bodywork, which I feel really helped contribute to aligning my body to make contractions more efficient.
One thing I felt was crucial to my birthing was embracing it as a spiritual, as well as a physical/emotional process. I wanted to make that expression more intentional, so I asked my women friends to have a ceremony for me, a Blessingway, in which we sat in a circle, sang songs,and attached ourselves together with yarn to symbolize our sisterhood of birthing women(which was cut so each of us wore a yarn bracelet...the ladies wore them in support of me, and were to cut them off when the baby was born). We shared the most precious moments of our births with each other to create really positive energy, and I was massaged and given gifts of power objects to put around the house to help me remember my strength and power as a birthing woman, knowing I was connected in love to my sisters. I received things I still have today, and am so grateful for them all. Melissa gave me a poem about birth which still moves me to tears when I read it. Vanessa gave me a pair of big smiling lips on a little pedestal she fashioned out of fimo clay, and told me to remember, "loose lips means loose bottom." Brigitte gave me some worry beads, Rachel, a mother of twins she didn't know were twins until the second baby came out, gave me a beautiful drinking glass to remind me we all symbolically drink from the same cup as we are called to the dance of Birth. Heather gave me the thing I think I used the most in Oona's birth, which was a note card on which she had written birth affirmations, given to her by her midwife Gloria Lemay. The one that resonated most with me was "contractions are healthy for me and my baby." Because, as many of you know, it can be easy to forget when the going gets tough. I received other things too, all of them carefully placed around my home.
About a week before Oona was born, I had a very strong aversion to leaving the house much. I felt a little fearful going too far. I was obsessed with keeping things clean, so I spend a lot of time keeping on top of the mess a family of 4 and a big dog can make. I also had a home job doing data entry for a newspaper, as I wasn't going to be able to attend births for awhile. The day before Oona was born, my husband had plans to see a band play at Barfly, a bar/venue not far from where we lived. I really didn't want him to go, because I just had this feeling I wanted him home. I normally never have any problems with him going out for a few hours with a friend, but I really hadn't wanted him to leave. He reassured me, though, saying he had his pager, he was literally a 5 minute walk away, he wouldn't be going until the kids were already asleep, and would not be drinking alcohol. Except for a sink full of dishes, the house was cleaned to within an inch of its life, and I still had a bunch of data entry work to do anyway. So, even though I was grumpy about it, he went.
From about 11pm until 3am, I spent most of my time squatting on a chair in front of the computer, trying to finish up my work. We were a family of night owls. Our kids were home schooled, and both of us had jobs that were flexible with time, so we didn't need to get up early. I was having some intermittent waves of cramping, nothing that made me feel like the baby was coming then, though it made me think I would probably be having a baby in a few days. The weirdest thing was that I was having hot flashes every few minutes. They were intense sensations, but I rather enjoyed them, because they were different. I figured my hormone levels were getting quite ready to have a baby soon. After I finished working, I left my perch on the chair, and went to have a bath with some nice oils. I completely relaxed in there, and practised some deep breathing. All the hot flashes and cramping were gone, and I felt wonderful, ready for bed. Because I took an oily bath and was a nest-y pregnant woman, I scrubbed out the oil residue in the bath with baking soda to make sure nobody would slip in it the next day. Then I went to bed. While I turned back the covers (because when I'm pregnant and ONLY when I'm pregnant, my bed is perfectly made when I'm not in it), I had a strange flash on an image of a really happy little nine month old baby crawling on the kitchen floor. I figured I was really tired.
As I relaxed into a doze, my husband came home. I heard him go to the computer to check his email. Then I had a contraction. A BIG contraction. I looked at the bedside clock: 3:45am. Phew, I thought. I put it out of my mind and tried to get back to sleep. A couple minutes later, the same thing, and then it happened again. I got up and announced to my husband I was in labour. "oh, so you think the baby will be here by tomorrow night?" I thought, given my birthing history, he was jumping the gun a little, but I said, "yeah, possibly." I had another contraction which made me need to focus and breathe and I said, "oh, I am so NOT in the mood to be in labour! I'm so tired, and just want to go to bed!" My husband, who is really good at distracting me with humour if I'm annoyed, got me into a better space. We were in bed, me on my hands and knees, he sitting beside me, giggling. I would have contractions that made me need to stop, rock my hips, and follow my breath, but nothing I would call painful. He did point out that he was surprised how close together the waves were coming.
I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom, as my body was trying to create maximum space for the baby, and on the way started shaking uncontrollably, feeing really cold. I noticed I was bleeding a little, which assured me that I was definitely in labour. Up until then, I still wasn't sure. The contraction on the toilet made me emit a sound that alerted my husband...a mixture of a whimper and a yell. He came running in. "I KNOW that sound!" he said. "I'm calling Vanessa!" Vanessa was a dear friend I had chosen to help support me in labour. But Vanessa was not answering. The next day we discovered that even though she had been sleeping by the phone, she had not gotten the repeated calls because of a wire problem. Mitchell started getting stressed, because he was worrying about the kids waking up with nobody there to hang out with them while I laboured. He tried our next door neighbour and good friend Rachel. No reply! It turned out later that as he was trying to call her, she was receiving a fax from France. I could hear him running around muttering curses under his breath at the fact that nobody was answering their phones.
I went into our office where he was sitting and said, "Call the midwife." He asked, "REALLY? Are you sure you want her to come now?" I said that she absolutely should come, because it was feeling hard to cope, and I wasn't sure how I was going to handle such a long labour without some support. Given we couldn't get touch with my appointed doulas, I just wanted her there. Mitchell dialled and handed the phone to me, but there was no way I could talk to her. I just said, "tell her I feel the baby really low." He hung up and said she was on her way, and I had a huge contraction that made me almost drop to my knees except that Mitchell was behind me and held me up so I was in a supported squat. I felt like I had to push, which was ridiculous, because I was having a long birth. I told Mitchell everything was just far too heavy, and that I was going to hop in the shower to get a handle on myself. It wasn't that I was in a lot of pain. The contractions were totally manageable. It's just that they were really STRONG, and fast. It was hard to catch my breath, and I was afraid I was going to burn out, given that I was going to be having a long birth and all.
In the shower, I felt fantastic. I just allowed the massive waves to roll over me. They made me bellow, "Oh...my...GGGOOOOOOOOOODDD!!!!!!!" with a growly grunt at the end of them. I was not suffering, just thinking this was awfully strong pretty quick, and that I was being a bit dramatic considering I was just beginning labour. I was chanting to myself, "Labour is healthy for me and my baby, labour is healthy for me and my baby." and laughing, because it was so crazy. I started to feel a little faint from the heat, so I hopped out. As I walked towards the bed, I had one contraction I will remember for the rest of my life. It was huge, and painful. It filled me with a vision in my mind of wanting an ambulance to come and run over me to knock me out in a way that wouldn't do any harm to my baby and me, so we could wake up and the birth would all be over, Baby safe in my arms. Just one contraction of abject desperation. I got onto the bed on my hands and knees, and the next contraction alerted me to the fact that I was indeed having the baby. Not hours later at supper time, but NOW.
I saw a little naked child run past my vision into the bathroom, and then she came out. I begged her, "Kayleigh, Mummy is going to push out the baby, and I'm SO thirsty! Please get me some water." So she did. She assured me that my son Misha was okay. He had heard me yelling and had been scared, but Kayleigh, big six year old she was, assured him that it was just Mom having the baby and that everything was okay (Kayleigh had witnessed a couple labours before). He was apparently hiding with his head under the covers. Mitchell had gone out of the room, still trying to call people. I told him to start warming the baby blankets in the oven. The next contraction, I was clearly pushing uncontrollably, no pain anymore whatsoever. I got a teensy bit afraid for a moment, thinking, "the baby is coming with no midwife here. What if something happens?" But I have a guide who seems to come to me when things are chaotic birth-wise in my life, usually professionally. But the voice was here just for me. In my right ear it whispered, "you know, if the baby is coming this quickly, everything is fine." I calmed right down. No fear, and no pain. I called my husband back in the room, and told him to forget the blankets and just to crank the heat in the bedroom, as it was mid January. I pushed, and my daughter went, "oh, here it is! Wait, it's a big bubble!" My waters had not broken, and I was pushing out a big water filled balloon. The image of a giant bullfrog filled my mind. I also looked at the dishes in the kitchen through the bedroom door and thought, "ha, those ain't never gonna get done now!" The next contraction I wanted the head out. There was no pain as she crowned into her water bag. By this point, I intuitively was just lying back against some pillows, which was most comfortable. I pushed a little to move the head out and it felt GREAT when she emerged. We watched a well positioned little baby fill the water bag. My husband looked into my eyes and said, "Lesley, you know about these things. What do I do?" I said, "oh, just catch her," and then as her shoulder came out the water bag broke away in a bug rush of fluid, and there she was, pink and yelling. Healthy. Safe. Born into her father's hands, and put right onto my belly, where we covered her up with lots of blankets. I looked at the clock. 4:28am. 43 minutes from the first labour contraction. We were over the moon. I was in shock. It's over?! But it hardly even started! My husband was so excited, and so happy, "Oh my God, Les, you DID it..you DID it!"
The doorbell rang not long after and Mitchell ran to get it. While he was telling the midwife the baby was already born, Kayleigh asked me if it was a boy or a girl. Because it was so cold, I was in no hurry to unwrap the blankets and discover the baby's sex. I was just enjoying the moment. I figured we'd wait until the midwife came in. She looked shocked to see us all there, and I started babbling in French about how fast it was, even though I usually struggle in French. She took a peek at the baby, and we discovered she was indeed a girl. The placenta was born, and after she had nursed for awhile, we cut the cord. I had not torn. My son Misha stomped into the room and said, "I didn't want her to be born today, I didn't want it to be a girl, and I didn't want it to have brown hair!" and then he stomped out. We couldn't help giggling. He came back in soon, though, drawing pictures for his new sister. We called our nephew Jeremy to tell him he had a new baby cousin, as we had promised he'd be the first to know. Then we called my mom, who was shocked at how fast it was.
When the midwife left, Mitchell went to crawl in with Misha to comfort him, and Kayleigh, the baby, and I tried to sleep, but we couldn't. I told Kayleigh she could lie by the baby and love her all she wanted, that there would be plenty of time to sleep later.
The next morning, I had a dream, and awoke with the name "Oona" echoing in my mind. It was not a name we had considered, but in the dream I had flashed on a young woman I had met at party once. She was sitting crossed legged in the middle of a busy room, just serenely looking around. My friend asked her her name and she looked up at him with a sweet, beautiful Pixie face and said, "Oona." My friend said, "indeed." You know that feeling you feel when you've met an aptly named person? Well, my baby had this same fairy energy, and I announced her name to everyone. My husband said, "really? You want to call her that? We never talked about that name." And I said, because I knew it would sway him, "it rhymes with Baboona." That sold him. He snuggled her and called her his little Baboona, and we've never looked back. Oona is orginally "Oonagh",and from the sources I looked at, it means "fair" as in beautiful, and "healer". I learned later on that Oona is also Queen of the Fairies. I did not know that when I named her, though a more Fae child you would be hard pressed to find.
I buried Oona's placenta by a tree in our back yard in the summer. She grew into a laughing, sweet, easy going brown eyed baby. She nursed well, but was always slow to gain weight. But she always thrived, and has always been healthy, so I just attribute it to her Fairy roots.
Our first year together was an intense love affair. We got off to such a beautiful start, and I swear my Babymoon didn't wear off for months and months. My first baby was about my becoming a woman and a mother, about inspiring me to find my path. My second baby was about discovering incredible intuition, and bringing through a soul who was so familiar, I've known him forever. Oona, my third, showed me what my love looks like, and what the power of intention has the potential to create.
I made Oona a hazelnut torte with coffee buttercream filling and purple whipped cream surrounding the whole thing for her party. She has 4 friends over now for a sleepover. For a present, she wanted purple streaks in her hair. They look quite nice. She is a tiny little girl, a good head smaller than all her friends, who, at 11, are mostly taller than I am. She still loves to snuggle and spend time doing things with me. She loves to just hang out. And she is fierce. She can score four goals in a soccer game, and doesn't let herself get walked over. I am a thoroughly blessed and happy mother. I am enjoying these last few years of precious childhood, because in the next couple of years, she will be transitioning into teenagehood, and I will probably not be as important in her world. And that is well and good. I know our foundation will bring us through anything.
Happy Birthday, Boo! I love you.
Friday, January 15, 2010
To Birth Plan or Not to Birth Plan?
Not to be controversial, but this is an issue that is brought to me all the time. Many sites, when talking about doulas, have listed as one of our jobs "aiding in creating a birth plan". To be honest, I'm not such a big fan of birth plans. I have never found a great birth plan contributed to a great birth. I prefer to focus energy on helping a woman stay home, if appropriate, until she is in ACTIVE labour (which often doesn't have everything to do with how far apart contractions are). A simple "thanks or no thanks" with a smile from her partner when options are presented by the hospital can suffice. That a woman wants to "go natural" is pretty obvious after a time.
Let me tell you my experience of birth plans. Occasionally, the staff will take the time it takes to read it, agree with what you are asking for, and do their best to respect it. Lots of times, they take it, read it, and then go to the nurses' station and roll their eyeballs, saying, "Oh, great, she's here with a BIRTH PLAN!", and I don't mean in a particularly friendly tone. I have even seen on more than one occasion a mother hand a birth plan to a doctor only to be told, "no, I don't have time to read it. We treat everyone the same here."
I think it's important not to expect that all staff members will be happy you were a good consumer and made a birth plan in order to assist them in helping you how you want to be helped. I tell you this, because the importance of writing a plan is strongly emphasised in books and websites. Parents-to-be are often really hurt when their efforts, which they were encouraged to make by books and classes, are not met with enthusiasm. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having an outline telling people what you would like for your birth, and often even hospitals claim to encourage this. In theory. But in practice, I have seen a lot of strong reactions against them. Alas, more negative than positive. This is a surprising reality, but there you go.
I think these are some of the reasons:
1) When people download birth plan templates from the 'net, they are sometimes quite long. And detailed. Given how incredibly busy Montreal nurses are, often taking care of 4 patients at a time, any other detail they're asked to take care of is just another burden. While they're not against having you be happy, the truth is that many of them feel a lot safer with you on epidural, constant monitoring, and synto, to control your contractions. Your ideas, though they will usually try to respect what you want, are contrary to their own beliefs about birth, as some truly can't understand why you may not WANT to be monitored all the time, or not receive an epidural when you start getting louder than normal. A birth plan doesn't change this belief, PLUS gives them more to do in reading it. It may be in your best interest to not risk making a nurse feel, without your intent, more overworked, as well as a bit defensive about the "list of demands". True, we shouldn't have to be responsible for others' reactions when we are presenting something reasonably and with good intentions, but this is your birth....a potential environment of tension may not be a battle you want to fight in this instance.
2)Most of the things you mention are things most reasonably informed people want anyway, so the details of "I prefer to be mobile during labour" or "I don't want an episiotomy unless necessary" become boring for them to read after awhile.
3)Some birth plans are so specific and long, that you may not be thought of as an informed consumer wanting to create the potential for the best outcome possible, but as potentially inflexible, which worries the staff. While the vast majority of couples would not argue with a serious medical decision, sometimes the staff get nervous that if you made this kind of "insurance" against interventions, you may object if they really have to jump in and do something to help you. Part of writing a birth plan may be about the element of fearing potential victimization. Some doctors and nurses get a little defensive wondering that you may be thinking you will be a potential "victim" of theirs, and it could make the room tense. The truth is, you are going in as a strong birthing woman, and worrying you are going to potentially be subjected to a bunch of procedures you don't want is based upon fear. Fear makes you tighten up and doesn't help labour. Okay, neither does plying you with intervention requests, but the former you actually have control over, the latter you don't, birth plan or not. It just could be that going in calm, with the trust that even though there are many different ideas, all want the same: a healthy mom and baby, and that most human beings try to be basically respectful of each other, you may exude an energy that attracts dignified, and conscientious behaviour.
Now, I know some you anti-hospital people out there are shaking your heads at me, wanting to eradicate the "naivete" right out of me, but hear me out, remembering too that I am myself a home birther who attends mostly hospital births. I KNOW unwanted interventions are often done, and that we need to be aware of protecting our experience by refusing many interventions unless they're truly medically called for, without being able to control negative reactions. I KNOW victimization happens. This is, sadly, a price women sometimes pay when they choose to birth where they want technology and medical people available in the instance of an emergency. Even knowing there may be challenges, women still DO choose to give birth in hospitals, and need real, practical advice. There are ways to try to create the friendliest environment possible. From what I've seen, putting the effort into a birth plan creates a risk of tension, and the less tension, the better. Not having one does not create automatic permission to be the recipient of every intervention under the sun.
4)The term "birth plan" is pretty close to oxymoronic (is that a word?), perhaps similar to "ordered chaos" or "friendly fire". Writing a plan, obviously, in no way, shape, or form makes what you want or don't want happen or not happen. Sometimes making sure you have support to make decisions you want, and going with the flow of your labour is better than worrying too much about potential resistance. We simply cannot control those who enter our space in a hospital, or our birth outcome, and I have not seen a birth plan create a better outcome or attitude because it existed. Coming to the hospital in such active labour that there's no space to really discuss things is a better option (providing that is appropriate for your situation) because there is little time for more than a routine once over,never mind a big dialogue about preferences.
Hospital staff members have seen MANY birth plans, and there are mixed reactions when
you present them, from appreciation, to downright annoyance. So if you're going to make one, know in advance that they won't always be met with friendliness. I have even worked at a hospital which has you check off options you want for your care as a form of birth plan, and I swear they never look at them, because they always want to hook you up on a routine IV even if on their plan it requests you check off "IV" as an "option". It is surprising how many things are paid lip service to in order to appear progressive ,even though when push comes to shove, they are not truly presented as "options", but a part of a routine. So you create tension by refusing too. I'm not saying not making a birth plan will render everything fine and dandy, it just doesn't seem to make a huge difference. If someone is really into making one, I support them in doing so.
If you do not make a birth plan, chances are, you're going to be okay, as long as you know your options and make your choice when they're presented. Remembering that you are the consumer, and that you are allowed to refuse interventions that are suggested to "speed things up" or "slow things down" or "lie this way" or "make pushing more efficient", if those challenges come up. If you are feeling extremely mistrustful of the hospital environment, and feel like you are going to be terrified and fighting the whole time, then you should definitely explore the option of not giving birth there. There are alternatives to hospital birth, and tons of resources to help you with that decision. I personally felt like that, if I may share. I walked into the hospital where my doctor caught babies, and while I really liked her because she had let me grill her even with a load of pregnant ladies in her office and agreed to listening to my baby with a fetoscope instead Doppler, I had a deep, visceral reaction to the idea of being in labour there. I researched, and found home birth to be the best option for me. I did give birth in a hospital once, just near the end of the labour, and it was fine. My husband and midwife buffered any attitude that was presented, and besides, I was too far into labour land to notice. People may have told me how to push or in what position, I don't remember. I just, in good confidence, lay on my side and gave birth, pushing in my own way. I have no particularly bad memories. I did not have a birth plan because being in the hospital was totally unplanned.
While I don't think a detailed birth plan is necessary for a good birth, I do think having a couple of really special requests that you have spoken to your doctor about in advance is important, just in case your doctor isn't at your birth (which is entirely possible). To get this in writing simply as something you and your doctor have agreed on may cut through any arguments. They may be things that are not regularly requested at all. For example, delaying the cutting of the umbilical cord, or requesting that your baby remains on you skin to skin for at least an hour after birth. Also, special circumstances should be mentioned. I had a client who had tragically lost her husband during her pregnancy. We made absolutely sure that with every changing shift, she would not be asked, "where is the baby's father?". Another mother who had had a double mastectomy asked in writing for people to not constantly ask her why she was not breastfeeding her baby. I would consider this more a "wish list", which is friendly, as opposed to "birth plan", which may be perceived as rigid, even IF it's qualified by "providing all is well with my baby and me".
.
Let me tell you my experience of birth plans. Occasionally, the staff will take the time it takes to read it, agree with what you are asking for, and do their best to respect it. Lots of times, they take it, read it, and then go to the nurses' station and roll their eyeballs, saying, "Oh, great, she's here with a BIRTH PLAN!", and I don't mean in a particularly friendly tone. I have even seen on more than one occasion a mother hand a birth plan to a doctor only to be told, "no, I don't have time to read it. We treat everyone the same here."
I think it's important not to expect that all staff members will be happy you were a good consumer and made a birth plan in order to assist them in helping you how you want to be helped. I tell you this, because the importance of writing a plan is strongly emphasised in books and websites. Parents-to-be are often really hurt when their efforts, which they were encouraged to make by books and classes, are not met with enthusiasm. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having an outline telling people what you would like for your birth, and often even hospitals claim to encourage this. In theory. But in practice, I have seen a lot of strong reactions against them. Alas, more negative than positive. This is a surprising reality, but there you go.
I think these are some of the reasons:
1) When people download birth plan templates from the 'net, they are sometimes quite long. And detailed. Given how incredibly busy Montreal nurses are, often taking care of 4 patients at a time, any other detail they're asked to take care of is just another burden. While they're not against having you be happy, the truth is that many of them feel a lot safer with you on epidural, constant monitoring, and synto, to control your contractions. Your ideas, though they will usually try to respect what you want, are contrary to their own beliefs about birth, as some truly can't understand why you may not WANT to be monitored all the time, or not receive an epidural when you start getting louder than normal. A birth plan doesn't change this belief, PLUS gives them more to do in reading it. It may be in your best interest to not risk making a nurse feel, without your intent, more overworked, as well as a bit defensive about the "list of demands". True, we shouldn't have to be responsible for others' reactions when we are presenting something reasonably and with good intentions, but this is your birth....a potential environment of tension may not be a battle you want to fight in this instance.
2)Most of the things you mention are things most reasonably informed people want anyway, so the details of "I prefer to be mobile during labour" or "I don't want an episiotomy unless necessary" become boring for them to read after awhile.
3)Some birth plans are so specific and long, that you may not be thought of as an informed consumer wanting to create the potential for the best outcome possible, but as potentially inflexible, which worries the staff. While the vast majority of couples would not argue with a serious medical decision, sometimes the staff get nervous that if you made this kind of "insurance" against interventions, you may object if they really have to jump in and do something to help you. Part of writing a birth plan may be about the element of fearing potential victimization. Some doctors and nurses get a little defensive wondering that you may be thinking you will be a potential "victim" of theirs, and it could make the room tense. The truth is, you are going in as a strong birthing woman, and worrying you are going to potentially be subjected to a bunch of procedures you don't want is based upon fear. Fear makes you tighten up and doesn't help labour. Okay, neither does plying you with intervention requests, but the former you actually have control over, the latter you don't, birth plan or not. It just could be that going in calm, with the trust that even though there are many different ideas, all want the same: a healthy mom and baby, and that most human beings try to be basically respectful of each other, you may exude an energy that attracts dignified, and conscientious behaviour.
Now, I know some you anti-hospital people out there are shaking your heads at me, wanting to eradicate the "naivete" right out of me, but hear me out, remembering too that I am myself a home birther who attends mostly hospital births. I KNOW unwanted interventions are often done, and that we need to be aware of protecting our experience by refusing many interventions unless they're truly medically called for, without being able to control negative reactions. I KNOW victimization happens. This is, sadly, a price women sometimes pay when they choose to birth where they want technology and medical people available in the instance of an emergency. Even knowing there may be challenges, women still DO choose to give birth in hospitals, and need real, practical advice. There are ways to try to create the friendliest environment possible. From what I've seen, putting the effort into a birth plan creates a risk of tension, and the less tension, the better. Not having one does not create automatic permission to be the recipient of every intervention under the sun.
4)The term "birth plan" is pretty close to oxymoronic (is that a word?), perhaps similar to "ordered chaos" or "friendly fire". Writing a plan, obviously, in no way, shape, or form makes what you want or don't want happen or not happen. Sometimes making sure you have support to make decisions you want, and going with the flow of your labour is better than worrying too much about potential resistance. We simply cannot control those who enter our space in a hospital, or our birth outcome, and I have not seen a birth plan create a better outcome or attitude because it existed. Coming to the hospital in such active labour that there's no space to really discuss things is a better option (providing that is appropriate for your situation) because there is little time for more than a routine once over,never mind a big dialogue about preferences.
Hospital staff members have seen MANY birth plans, and there are mixed reactions when
you present them, from appreciation, to downright annoyance. So if you're going to make one, know in advance that they won't always be met with friendliness. I have even worked at a hospital which has you check off options you want for your care as a form of birth plan, and I swear they never look at them, because they always want to hook you up on a routine IV even if on their plan it requests you check off "IV" as an "option". It is surprising how many things are paid lip service to in order to appear progressive ,even though when push comes to shove, they are not truly presented as "options", but a part of a routine. So you create tension by refusing too. I'm not saying not making a birth plan will render everything fine and dandy, it just doesn't seem to make a huge difference. If someone is really into making one, I support them in doing so.
If you do not make a birth plan, chances are, you're going to be okay, as long as you know your options and make your choice when they're presented. Remembering that you are the consumer, and that you are allowed to refuse interventions that are suggested to "speed things up" or "slow things down" or "lie this way" or "make pushing more efficient", if those challenges come up. If you are feeling extremely mistrustful of the hospital environment, and feel like you are going to be terrified and fighting the whole time, then you should definitely explore the option of not giving birth there. There are alternatives to hospital birth, and tons of resources to help you with that decision. I personally felt like that, if I may share. I walked into the hospital where my doctor caught babies, and while I really liked her because she had let me grill her even with a load of pregnant ladies in her office and agreed to listening to my baby with a fetoscope instead Doppler, I had a deep, visceral reaction to the idea of being in labour there. I researched, and found home birth to be the best option for me. I did give birth in a hospital once, just near the end of the labour, and it was fine. My husband and midwife buffered any attitude that was presented, and besides, I was too far into labour land to notice. People may have told me how to push or in what position, I don't remember. I just, in good confidence, lay on my side and gave birth, pushing in my own way. I have no particularly bad memories. I did not have a birth plan because being in the hospital was totally unplanned.
While I don't think a detailed birth plan is necessary for a good birth, I do think having a couple of really special requests that you have spoken to your doctor about in advance is important, just in case your doctor isn't at your birth (which is entirely possible). To get this in writing simply as something you and your doctor have agreed on may cut through any arguments. They may be things that are not regularly requested at all. For example, delaying the cutting of the umbilical cord, or requesting that your baby remains on you skin to skin for at least an hour after birth. Also, special circumstances should be mentioned. I had a client who had tragically lost her husband during her pregnancy. We made absolutely sure that with every changing shift, she would not be asked, "where is the baby's father?". Another mother who had had a double mastectomy asked in writing for people to not constantly ask her why she was not breastfeeding her baby. I would consider this more a "wish list", which is friendly, as opposed to "birth plan", which may be perceived as rigid, even IF it's qualified by "providing all is well with my baby and me".
.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Gratitude
I have a lot of gratitude today. Things are rough in the world. As Haiti is devastated by such tragedy, let us remember to hold a space in our hearts to direct healing and comfort to all those affected. I think of the mothers without their children, the babies without their parents, husbands without their wives...the sorrow is immeasurable.
Our own troubles often seem trivial in light of such disaster. Things have been a little sad here, as I process the passing of my friend, and discover that an important teacher in my life is very ill. As we get older, these things come to pass more and more. I am choosing to stay present and relish the joys.
I am obviously so grateful for my husband. I am grateful for being able to love and be loved by healthy, wonderful children, for my mother, my stepfather, my dad, sisters, my in-laws, nieces, nephews, friends, and teachers.
I was thinking today of how truly blessed I feel to be a doula. It's not just about seeing a life unfurl and begin to thrive in the afterglow of a sacred birthing, but about the people I get to connect with. I am SO lucky to have the best clients in the world. I truly mean that from the bottom of my heart. I feel I have grown so much as a person by having had the privilege of hanging out with a wide array of human beings. I am honoured to have served people of all races and most nationalities. I have worked with Christians, Pagans, Muslims, Orthodox Jews and whatever else you can think of. I have attended straight women, Lesbians, single moms, women of size (or lack thereof), women with different physical and mental challenges, surrogate mothers, teenagers, ladies in their late 40's, women having twins, couples having VBACS (several of them after more than one C-section), Women having their first babies to one having her 12th...I have worked with several women who themselves are doctors who catch babies, to women who I get to educate about the very basics of labour and birth. I have attended extremely wealthy folks, to refugees who have hardly anything to call their own and little support. I have seen breeches, twins, most of the challenges that arise in birth, teeny babies, indescribably huge babies, face up babies, and angel babies. I have seen babies born in homes, hospitals, birthing centres, and one almost in a parking lot (never in a car, funnily enough, though VERY close several times). They've been born in tubs, beds, on carpets, stairwells,operating tables, and over toilets. And all of them have been beautiful.
All of these wonderful beings have graciously welcomed me into their homes and into their lives to support them with their transitions into parenthood. I have witnessed such beauty, heard such stories and have felt so much love and appreciation for my work...but it is I who today am grateful for having the opportunity to love and support all of these people. For truly, I have loved the vast majority of them, and to get to love that much makes one rich indeed!
So thank you all, Gentle Parents and babies, for letting me get to love you up for awhile. Thank you to my beloved students who have let me teach them, to my doula sisters whose support makes me a better doula. Thanks also for the hard stuff which helps to make me grow in compassion.
Peace,
Lesley
Our own troubles often seem trivial in light of such disaster. Things have been a little sad here, as I process the passing of my friend, and discover that an important teacher in my life is very ill. As we get older, these things come to pass more and more. I am choosing to stay present and relish the joys.
I am obviously so grateful for my husband. I am grateful for being able to love and be loved by healthy, wonderful children, for my mother, my stepfather, my dad, sisters, my in-laws, nieces, nephews, friends, and teachers.
I was thinking today of how truly blessed I feel to be a doula. It's not just about seeing a life unfurl and begin to thrive in the afterglow of a sacred birthing, but about the people I get to connect with. I am SO lucky to have the best clients in the world. I truly mean that from the bottom of my heart. I feel I have grown so much as a person by having had the privilege of hanging out with a wide array of human beings. I am honoured to have served people of all races and most nationalities. I have worked with Christians, Pagans, Muslims, Orthodox Jews and whatever else you can think of. I have attended straight women, Lesbians, single moms, women of size (or lack thereof), women with different physical and mental challenges, surrogate mothers, teenagers, ladies in their late 40's, women having twins, couples having VBACS (several of them after more than one C-section), Women having their first babies to one having her 12th...I have worked with several women who themselves are doctors who catch babies, to women who I get to educate about the very basics of labour and birth. I have attended extremely wealthy folks, to refugees who have hardly anything to call their own and little support. I have seen breeches, twins, most of the challenges that arise in birth, teeny babies, indescribably huge babies, face up babies, and angel babies. I have seen babies born in homes, hospitals, birthing centres, and one almost in a parking lot (never in a car, funnily enough, though VERY close several times). They've been born in tubs, beds, on carpets, stairwells,operating tables, and over toilets. And all of them have been beautiful.
All of these wonderful beings have graciously welcomed me into their homes and into their lives to support them with their transitions into parenthood. I have witnessed such beauty, heard such stories and have felt so much love and appreciation for my work...but it is I who today am grateful for having the opportunity to love and support all of these people. For truly, I have loved the vast majority of them, and to get to love that much makes one rich indeed!
So thank you all, Gentle Parents and babies, for letting me get to love you up for awhile. Thank you to my beloved students who have let me teach them, to my doula sisters whose support makes me a better doula. Thanks also for the hard stuff which helps to make me grow in compassion.
Peace,
Lesley
Monday, January 11, 2010
MotherWit Birth Essentials Prenatal Classes Starting in March!
MotherWit Birth Essentials Prenatal Classes focus on preparing you for the labour and birth of your baby, and the early days of parenthood. Traditional childbirth education classes, often held in hospitals or clinics, are the norm for most parents seeking information about what to expect and how to cope.
MotherWit takes a more holistic approach, and helps to prepare you not only with intellectual information, but provides you with practical tools you can use during your birth in a hospital, birthing centre, or home. We want you not only to feel informed, but nourished, body, mind, and soul.
The first series of MotherWit Birth Essentials Prenatal Classes in Montreal will be held at Melons et Clementines , 5659 Sherbrooke West,Montreal Mondays March 8th, 15th, 22nd, and 29th. please contact info@motherwit.ca for mor information
MotherWit takes a more holistic approach, and helps to prepare you not only with intellectual information, but provides you with practical tools you can use during your birth in a hospital, birthing centre, or home. We want you not only to feel informed, but nourished, body, mind, and soul.
The first series of MotherWit Birth Essentials Prenatal Classes in Montreal will be held at Melons et Clementines , 5659 Sherbrooke West,Montreal Mondays March 8th, 15th, 22nd, and 29th. please contact info@motherwit.ca for mor information
Sunday, January 10, 2010
"natural" birth?
I saw a Tweet on Twitter today in which a doula said she hated it when women claimed they had a natural birth, when truly it was not "natural", but "vaginal" with an epidural. Just to say before I go on, I took this single phrase and am running with it with impunity...I am using it as inspiration to create an example to illustrate something, most likely out of context of what she actually meant. Doula sister, if you're out there, please know I'm not chewing you out. In fact, I thank you for providing this phrase as friendly blog fodder.
It IS frustrating for natural birth supporters to be part of a culture in which birthing vaginally, compared to the insane rate of those experiencing C-section births, is starting to be considered "natural", even if all kinds of other medications were used. It's brutal, in fact.
However, I think we need to be careful about how we express frustration of this nature. I often get criticized because I tend to tread carefully and walk the line of diplomacy instead of standing up fiercely for my beliefs. The thing is, is that I do stand up for them...just not with ferocity many can obviously perceive. I tend not to go for "shock value". If nursing my 3 year old in public caused shock, well, that's another story, but, like all mothers giving their toddlers a little snack, it was not with the intention of making waves, it was just to do the mothering that was required in the moment. Intending to shock is one thing, but causing shock because you're mothering according to your values is another....the latter is a healthy exercise in stretching our cramped cultural boundaries..
I digress. My point is that "making wrong" is not, in my humble opinion, the greatest way to create growth. In my experience, anyhow, I can't speak for everyone. If I, an excited new mom who gave birth vaginally, especially perhaps if I were told that my chances of having a C-section was up to 50% depending upon where I lived, and I went up to you and said, "I had a natural birth!" and you said, "well....maybe it was vaginal, but you took an epidural and synto, so you can't really say it was natural, can you?" I would either a) get very defensive and never want to share anything with you in enthusiasm again, b)feel stupid for making a "mistake" with my words and the little bubble of maternal pride around me deflate, or c)dig in my heels, claim that indeed having a vaginal birth was natural in this day and age, go off and tell others what a hippie and natural birth "nazi" you were, and widen the divide in order to escape the pain you caused by your criticism of me.
I can tell you what I wouldn't do. I probably wouldn't say, "thank you for enlightening me to the fact that my natural birth wasn't natural at all. I am a product of my culture, and was in the wrong. I now know the way, and thank you for showing it to me. I will be inspired now to truly have a natural birth next time." We may hope that our passionate opinions enlighten others, and we enthusiastically promote them with the hopes of changing the world for the better, but I find there are more effective ways to convey them.
To my doula and midwife friends I may certainly vent my frustrations about what we as a culture consider "natural" birth. But to a mother who had just had her "natural" birth, it would be a different thing. I would say, "Wow, CONGRATULATIONS! I hope you are SO proud of yourself! It is certainly something to celebrate when your baby is born vaginally!" This doesn't enable a new mother to go on thinking the way she does, it fills her full of the joy she deserves to feel for having had a baby. When you make her feel good about herself, it opens the doors to communication instead of shutting them in your face because you have created defensiveness or shame.
Also, there are other situations to consider. I have had a few ladies who have gone through very long labours naturally, and who had extremely long second stages (pushing), and in the hospital the clock was ticking away the minutes until an inevitable C-section. Some of them took the epidurals that were recommended in order to have a break for a while, and then resumed pushing, all of them ending in vaginal birth. Would I NOT "allow" these women to claim natural birth for themselves because, technically, they had taken an epidural after having been 10cm for a few hours and pushing for a few more?! I don't think so. How about women who labour for days at home, experiencing intense, almost constant back labour, and then going to the hospital, having an epidural for a few hours and pushing the baby out? Okay, technically they are vaginal births with epidural, but given these women have gone through more hardcore labour than the average woman having a garden variety epidural free birth, does she not have a right to say "natural" birth without having to clarify to everyone? These types of birth deserve all the celebrating you can give to a woman who has gone through one. Personally, when one of my clients goes through something like this and I'm with her when someone asks her if she did it "naturally" and she doesn't really feel like giving the whole story but wants to honour herself for doing the equivalent of 3 labours in a row but had an epidural for a couple hours near the end, I'll just wink at her, encouraging her to own it however the hell she wants.
I am reading Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding, and am really loving its tone. It is full of information about how breastfeeding is the very best thing for the vast majority of babies, and communicated with passion, honestly citing the dangers of formula feeding. But there is also an undercurrent of real compassion for those women who chose, for whatever reason, to not breastfeed their babies. Her language is very careful in not trying to make anyone feel like an idiot or a bad mother for having made different choices. In trying to educate the public, you can't use language you might use when you are preaching to the choir.
I learned a lesson in judgement towards mothers that I have never forgotten. One day I was at a restaurant with my husband, and I saw a woman bottle feeding a newborn. I was appalled! I was mortified! I was shocked! I was so thickly surrounded by my cloak of self righteous indignation and anger at this mother for her stupidity in NOT breastfeeding, I didn't even recognize her. She saw me, smiled, and approached me. I was mortified to realize it was a LOVELY woman I had met at a La Leche League meeting. She was physically, because of some congenital breast issues, unable to provide milk for her babies. She attended the meetings to get support, because even though she couldn't provide nearly enough milk to nourish her child, she still nursed after the bottle was given, for superior physical and emotional connection. She didn't need my judgement, she needed my support. I am so glad this lesson was put in my way, as it changed my approach to communication a lot.
Most of my clients come to me not being sure about whether or not they will choose an epidural for their labours. It is not true that only granola types approach doulas for support...it is often women who are terrified of pain and whose husbands are not sure how to help them. If I jumped in and lectured them about the evils of epidural, I probably wouldn't have such a low epidural rate. While I don't think we need to simper, pander, and enable, I do think we need to honour, love, and respect. During birth, what helps a labour go more efficiently? Is it criticizing a woman about how long it's taking, correcting her when she expresses her pride in herself at how she's managing, only to be told she ain't felt nothing yet, or giving a woman praise and encouragement?
There are many paths to enlightenment, and I'm only talking from my experience. I'm not trying to tell people how to speak or how to be. It takes all kinds to change the world. I'm just saying that I think there is value in gentleness and tending to the here and now feelings of others, putting the desire to be "right" lower on the priority scale, even if that desire is motivated by good intentions.
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!
'nite, all!
It IS frustrating for natural birth supporters to be part of a culture in which birthing vaginally, compared to the insane rate of those experiencing C-section births, is starting to be considered "natural", even if all kinds of other medications were used. It's brutal, in fact.
However, I think we need to be careful about how we express frustration of this nature. I often get criticized because I tend to tread carefully and walk the line of diplomacy instead of standing up fiercely for my beliefs. The thing is, is that I do stand up for them...just not with ferocity many can obviously perceive. I tend not to go for "shock value". If nursing my 3 year old in public caused shock, well, that's another story, but, like all mothers giving their toddlers a little snack, it was not with the intention of making waves, it was just to do the mothering that was required in the moment. Intending to shock is one thing, but causing shock because you're mothering according to your values is another....the latter is a healthy exercise in stretching our cramped cultural boundaries..
I digress. My point is that "making wrong" is not, in my humble opinion, the greatest way to create growth. In my experience, anyhow, I can't speak for everyone. If I, an excited new mom who gave birth vaginally, especially perhaps if I were told that my chances of having a C-section was up to 50% depending upon where I lived, and I went up to you and said, "I had a natural birth!" and you said, "well....maybe it was vaginal, but you took an epidural and synto, so you can't really say it was natural, can you?" I would either a) get very defensive and never want to share anything with you in enthusiasm again, b)feel stupid for making a "mistake" with my words and the little bubble of maternal pride around me deflate, or c)dig in my heels, claim that indeed having a vaginal birth was natural in this day and age, go off and tell others what a hippie and natural birth "nazi" you were, and widen the divide in order to escape the pain you caused by your criticism of me.
I can tell you what I wouldn't do. I probably wouldn't say, "thank you for enlightening me to the fact that my natural birth wasn't natural at all. I am a product of my culture, and was in the wrong. I now know the way, and thank you for showing it to me. I will be inspired now to truly have a natural birth next time." We may hope that our passionate opinions enlighten others, and we enthusiastically promote them with the hopes of changing the world for the better, but I find there are more effective ways to convey them.
To my doula and midwife friends I may certainly vent my frustrations about what we as a culture consider "natural" birth. But to a mother who had just had her "natural" birth, it would be a different thing. I would say, "Wow, CONGRATULATIONS! I hope you are SO proud of yourself! It is certainly something to celebrate when your baby is born vaginally!" This doesn't enable a new mother to go on thinking the way she does, it fills her full of the joy she deserves to feel for having had a baby. When you make her feel good about herself, it opens the doors to communication instead of shutting them in your face because you have created defensiveness or shame.
Also, there are other situations to consider. I have had a few ladies who have gone through very long labours naturally, and who had extremely long second stages (pushing), and in the hospital the clock was ticking away the minutes until an inevitable C-section. Some of them took the epidurals that were recommended in order to have a break for a while, and then resumed pushing, all of them ending in vaginal birth. Would I NOT "allow" these women to claim natural birth for themselves because, technically, they had taken an epidural after having been 10cm for a few hours and pushing for a few more?! I don't think so. How about women who labour for days at home, experiencing intense, almost constant back labour, and then going to the hospital, having an epidural for a few hours and pushing the baby out? Okay, technically they are vaginal births with epidural, but given these women have gone through more hardcore labour than the average woman having a garden variety epidural free birth, does she not have a right to say "natural" birth without having to clarify to everyone? These types of birth deserve all the celebrating you can give to a woman who has gone through one. Personally, when one of my clients goes through something like this and I'm with her when someone asks her if she did it "naturally" and she doesn't really feel like giving the whole story but wants to honour herself for doing the equivalent of 3 labours in a row but had an epidural for a couple hours near the end, I'll just wink at her, encouraging her to own it however the hell she wants.
I am reading Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding, and am really loving its tone. It is full of information about how breastfeeding is the very best thing for the vast majority of babies, and communicated with passion, honestly citing the dangers of formula feeding. But there is also an undercurrent of real compassion for those women who chose, for whatever reason, to not breastfeed their babies. Her language is very careful in not trying to make anyone feel like an idiot or a bad mother for having made different choices. In trying to educate the public, you can't use language you might use when you are preaching to the choir.
I learned a lesson in judgement towards mothers that I have never forgotten. One day I was at a restaurant with my husband, and I saw a woman bottle feeding a newborn. I was appalled! I was mortified! I was shocked! I was so thickly surrounded by my cloak of self righteous indignation and anger at this mother for her stupidity in NOT breastfeeding, I didn't even recognize her. She saw me, smiled, and approached me. I was mortified to realize it was a LOVELY woman I had met at a La Leche League meeting. She was physically, because of some congenital breast issues, unable to provide milk for her babies. She attended the meetings to get support, because even though she couldn't provide nearly enough milk to nourish her child, she still nursed after the bottle was given, for superior physical and emotional connection. She didn't need my judgement, she needed my support. I am so glad this lesson was put in my way, as it changed my approach to communication a lot.
Most of my clients come to me not being sure about whether or not they will choose an epidural for their labours. It is not true that only granola types approach doulas for support...it is often women who are terrified of pain and whose husbands are not sure how to help them. If I jumped in and lectured them about the evils of epidural, I probably wouldn't have such a low epidural rate. While I don't think we need to simper, pander, and enable, I do think we need to honour, love, and respect. During birth, what helps a labour go more efficiently? Is it criticizing a woman about how long it's taking, correcting her when she expresses her pride in herself at how she's managing, only to be told she ain't felt nothing yet, or giving a woman praise and encouragement?
There are many paths to enlightenment, and I'm only talking from my experience. I'm not trying to tell people how to speak or how to be. It takes all kinds to change the world. I'm just saying that I think there is value in gentleness and tending to the here and now feelings of others, putting the desire to be "right" lower on the priority scale, even if that desire is motivated by good intentions.
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!
'nite, all!
Saturday, January 9, 2010
I'm back
Hello, all!
I have been doula-ing my heart out this week. 2010 has started with a bang. I had 5 babies born in 4 days....a set of twins, a preemie singleton, and then another set of twins.
All babies are well, Thank God.
One set of twins was born by C-section due to what the mother and her caregiver decided were positions that made them uncomfortable to attempt vaginal birth. These lovely boys ended up being 8 and 7 pounds 12 ounces. Can you IMAGINE shlepping around almost 16 pounds worth of squirmy babies in your belly?! I always want to give standing ovations to my twin moms...until you hang out with them a bit in their late pregnancies, you don't really get how intensely challenging it is carrying multiple babies around. This mother has an absolute angel of a friend who has been donating some of her own breastmilk (she also has twins) to help out. Now, that is love.
The next day, a mom called me with broken waters at 35 weeks. We went to the hospital and labour started soon after. She had a lovely, quick labour and afterwards said, "that was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be!" The young man latched on right away and is in great shape....a very happy experience! My favourite moment was when the paediatrician, who was asked to be present because the baby was early, refused to look at the baby under the warmer when the nurse put him there. He said, "no...skin to skin is where this baby belongs. This is where I'm doing my work, on his mother where he is healthiest."
The next day, an induction was scheduled for another set of twins, due to some serious health challenges with the mom. The labour went quickly and beautifully, even though it took over a day to get going. When the first baby was born, Mom said, "that didn't hurt as much as I thought!" Ah, music to my ears! The second baby was, let's just say, much more dramatic. To make a long story short, with great to do, he literally, with a loud sound, POPPED out, all 4 pounds of him. He's tiny and getting some oxygen in the nursery to assist his breathing, but he's in good shape. The mom was very weak after birth and unable to sit up, so I had a lovely, quiet time holding her beautifully latched daughter to her breast, skin to skin for her while the little girl's grandmother, who was a blessed, wonderful presence at this birth, cooed adoringly over her. The boy was in the nursery hanging out with his dad.
So that's the update in doula land. I am longing for a couple days at home without work or family or housework duty just to dedicate to paperwork and site building, but no...lots of pre and post natals all this upcoming week.
I apologize to my beloved friends who are probably wondering why they are so sadly neglected. I love you all, you know that!
I am off to rest my weary legs which have been up all night supporting labour and helping twins breastfeed...hopefully it will be a night of uninterrupted sleep before the next baby decides to arrive.
I have been doula-ing my heart out this week. 2010 has started with a bang. I had 5 babies born in 4 days....a set of twins, a preemie singleton, and then another set of twins.
All babies are well, Thank God.
One set of twins was born by C-section due to what the mother and her caregiver decided were positions that made them uncomfortable to attempt vaginal birth. These lovely boys ended up being 8 and 7 pounds 12 ounces. Can you IMAGINE shlepping around almost 16 pounds worth of squirmy babies in your belly?! I always want to give standing ovations to my twin moms...until you hang out with them a bit in their late pregnancies, you don't really get how intensely challenging it is carrying multiple babies around. This mother has an absolute angel of a friend who has been donating some of her own breastmilk (she also has twins) to help out. Now, that is love.
The next day, a mom called me with broken waters at 35 weeks. We went to the hospital and labour started soon after. She had a lovely, quick labour and afterwards said, "that was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be!" The young man latched on right away and is in great shape....a very happy experience! My favourite moment was when the paediatrician, who was asked to be present because the baby was early, refused to look at the baby under the warmer when the nurse put him there. He said, "no...skin to skin is where this baby belongs. This is where I'm doing my work, on his mother where he is healthiest."
The next day, an induction was scheduled for another set of twins, due to some serious health challenges with the mom. The labour went quickly and beautifully, even though it took over a day to get going. When the first baby was born, Mom said, "that didn't hurt as much as I thought!" Ah, music to my ears! The second baby was, let's just say, much more dramatic. To make a long story short, with great to do, he literally, with a loud sound, POPPED out, all 4 pounds of him. He's tiny and getting some oxygen in the nursery to assist his breathing, but he's in good shape. The mom was very weak after birth and unable to sit up, so I had a lovely, quiet time holding her beautifully latched daughter to her breast, skin to skin for her while the little girl's grandmother, who was a blessed, wonderful presence at this birth, cooed adoringly over her. The boy was in the nursery hanging out with his dad.
So that's the update in doula land. I am longing for a couple days at home without work or family or housework duty just to dedicate to paperwork and site building, but no...lots of pre and post natals all this upcoming week.
I apologize to my beloved friends who are probably wondering why they are so sadly neglected. I love you all, you know that!
I am off to rest my weary legs which have been up all night supporting labour and helping twins breastfeed...hopefully it will be a night of uninterrupted sleep before the next baby decides to arrive.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Applications Now Available for Summer 2010 Intensive Doula Training Retreat
Applications Now Available for Summer 2010 Intensive Doula Training Retreat!!
Please email info@motherwit.ca to get yours!!
Please email info@motherwit.ca to get yours!!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
January Meet the Motherwit Doulas Soiree
January Meet the Motherwit Doulas Soiree
Hello New Parents and Parents-to-Be!
You are cordially invited to a gathering hosted by the MotherWit Doulas! Whether you are just trying to figure out if doula care is right for you, want to show off your new babies, or reconnect with friends you made at our last Doula Soiree, you are most welcome!
Come to find out what it means to have a doula at your birth or information on post-partum doula care, share and hear birth stories, and have a cup of tea! Come to connect with your community and find out what resources are available to you.
We look forward to seeing you on:
Wednesday, January 20th, 2010
The Green Centre
1090 Avenue Greene, Westmount
from 7:30 to 9:00pm
info@motherwit.ca
Hello New Parents and Parents-to-Be!
You are cordially invited to a gathering hosted by the MotherWit Doulas! Whether you are just trying to figure out if doula care is right for you, want to show off your new babies, or reconnect with friends you made at our last Doula Soiree, you are most welcome!
Come to find out what it means to have a doula at your birth or information on post-partum doula care, share and hear birth stories, and have a cup of tea! Come to connect with your community and find out what resources are available to you.
We look forward to seeing you on:
Wednesday, January 20th, 2010
The Green Centre
1090 Avenue Greene, Westmount
from 7:30 to 9:00pm
info@motherwit.ca
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Sadness
My sweet friend Lhasa has crossed over.
Her presence will be so deeply missed, and my heart goes out to her friends and family.
She told me the last time I saw her that I was the first person to hear her song "Soon This Space Will be too Small." This was on her Living Road album, and was written way before she became ill. She had played it for me because to her it was about transitioning, birth and death. She called me the "baby lady". A very gentle soul, I was surprised to see her staring at me with incredible intensity after the song ended. I had drifted off into the emotions it had evoked, and felt hypnotized. Coming out of that space to see a fierce Lhasa gaze searching for authenticity in me was a shock, but I understood. She needed to know if I got it. My tears assured her I did. She got a gleam in her pixie eyes and nodded, as if acknowledging that's what she had wanted to see.
Images that pass through my mind in waves, memories I cherish: Lhasa passing by my house and popping in for a visit the 2 times in 1 year I made sushi...very happy for her, apparently :), Lhasa sitting on my bed beside me holding my newborn... telling me about her own birth...teaching my daughter vocal techniques...her laughing her head off when I ran into her on the street because I told her not to hug me because I had just found a louse in my hair from one of my kids who got it at school...our conversations about LIVING, with the time she had... Lhasa taking up chocolate eating as a healing modality...her trust in me.
The space is limitless now, Lhasa. May you be connected to the love that pours out of many hearts for you. Thank you for all the beauty you have left behind. One day we will meet again on the huge hillside.
http://www.last.fm/music/Lhasa+de+Sela/_/Soon+This+Space+Will+Be+Too+Small
Her presence will be so deeply missed, and my heart goes out to her friends and family.
She told me the last time I saw her that I was the first person to hear her song "Soon This Space Will be too Small." This was on her Living Road album, and was written way before she became ill. She had played it for me because to her it was about transitioning, birth and death. She called me the "baby lady". A very gentle soul, I was surprised to see her staring at me with incredible intensity after the song ended. I had drifted off into the emotions it had evoked, and felt hypnotized. Coming out of that space to see a fierce Lhasa gaze searching for authenticity in me was a shock, but I understood. She needed to know if I got it. My tears assured her I did. She got a gleam in her pixie eyes and nodded, as if acknowledging that's what she had wanted to see.
Images that pass through my mind in waves, memories I cherish: Lhasa passing by my house and popping in for a visit the 2 times in 1 year I made sushi...very happy for her, apparently :), Lhasa sitting on my bed beside me holding my newborn... telling me about her own birth...teaching my daughter vocal techniques...her laughing her head off when I ran into her on the street because I told her not to hug me because I had just found a louse in my hair from one of my kids who got it at school...our conversations about LIVING, with the time she had... Lhasa taking up chocolate eating as a healing modality...her trust in me.
The space is limitless now, Lhasa. May you be connected to the love that pours out of many hearts for you. Thank you for all the beauty you have left behind. One day we will meet again on the huge hillside.
http://www.last.fm/music/Lhasa+de+Sela/_/Soon+This+Space+Will+Be+Too+Small
Summer 2010 Intensive Doula Training Retreat
Motherwit Intensive Doula Training Retreat
When: July 18th to 23rd, 2010
Where: The location for our training will be in a large, comfortable home in Morin Heights, located in the beautiful Laurentians of Quebec, about an hour from Montreal.
Who: This training is for those women who want to pursue a career in supporting women in birth. This can either serve as a complete professional training as a doula, as a stepping stone towards a career in midwifery, nursing, or medicine, or as continuing education for those who are already working with birthing women and want to enrich their practices. Even those women who are already working as doulas will find this training exceptionally beneficial.
What is a doula? A doula is a woman who provides supportive care to women and their families throughout the childbearing year. The woman's primary caregiver (her doctor or midwife) is responsible for her clinical wellbeing, meaning the monitoring of her and her baby's health is carried out by them. Doulas provide the missing link in modern maternity care, which is the nurturing of the pregnant/birthing/postpartum woman. In order to feel satisfied with her childbearing experience, a mother needs to have been treated with love and respect, to have felt heard, to have been honoured.
Doulas offer the mother and her partner time in which to ask questions, vent their frustrations, express their concerns, clarify their values about birth and parenting, providing them with information, preparatory education, supportive physical and emotional comfort, and advocacy of their needs and desires.
Doulas accompany the woman thoughout labour and birth, and facilitate the transition into motherhood. Her partner also benefits tremendously from a doula's support. With a doula taking care of many of the small things required in birth, the partner can relax and be fully present for the labouring mom in the way they see fit.
Doulas also provide postpartum care by supporting the unique breastfeeding relationship between mother and child, and by smoothing some of the inevitable bumps along the untravelled road.
The doula is a complementary member of the woman's healthcare team. She empowers a woman to make informed choices about her care, and then supports those unique choices. She serves as a resource for many of the woman's needs. A doula never diagnoses or assumes clinical care of her client. All health concerns are required to be brought to the attention of the primary caregiver.
Why: Motherwit Doula Training provides training above and beyond what is taught in popular, weekend workshop format courses. Not only do we study the pregnancy, birthing, and postpartum process and ways to support it in all kinds of settings, but you will learn a myriad of tools to work holistically with your clients. You will learn, for example, how to help a woman deal with the sensations of labour, how to navigate your way though a challenging hospital system without creating conflict, how to care for yourself as you care for others, how to run your doula business, how to build community for new mothers and other doulas, and most importantly, how, in your own unique, loving, authentic way, to contribute to the healing of our North American birth culture one mother, father, and baby at a time.
How: The week long format will allow you to immerse yourself in the world of doula work. By living in close quarters with other women, we will be in community, sharing chores, meals, and babycare. This is traditionally how women learn, not in a shiny classroom with a teacher at the head, but in a circle, multitasking and sharing, within an environment surrounded by beauty. We are allowed to share anecdotes, heal through storytelling, tell bawdy jokes, be free with our emotions, all the while doing in depth, intense and often technically complicated study of supporting birth.
You will be given a study guide annotating important learnings, as well as a checklist to help you fulfill your requirements outside of class. These requirements must be finished within a year of taking this training in order to be certified as a Motherwit Doula, otherwise extra fees will be incurred. Upon completion of certain requirements, you will be eligable for a 3 birth apprenticeship period with Lesley or another Motherwit Doula, if you so desire, at an additional cost.
Details: As doulas promote attachment parenting whenever possible, nursing babies are always welcome to attend trainings with their mothers. For very attached toddlers, mothers may bring a childcare provider with them in order to allow her to study thoughout the day. Caregivers and other children are welcome to join us for breaks and meals. The house can comfortably accommodate about 12 people, but there is another house nearby available if extra space is needed for those who are bringing children and support people. Birth video and storytelling time are not mandatory, but are an enriching experience for participants, and encouraged whenever possible.
There will be plenty of time to ask questions and share experiences, so Lesley asks that we allow the teaching to flow according to its schedule as much as we can in order to cover the massive amounts of information you will be learning. Burning questions will always be answered.
Please feel free to leave or wander the room in order to meet the needs of fussy babies.
Cost: The cost will depend upon the number of participants, the maximum amount being 15. Five and under participants will cost $1200, 6 to 10 participants will cost $1050, and 10 to 15 will cost $950. If accommodation is required, the cost is $200 per trainee, which includes your sleeping quarters, as well as breakfast, lunch, and snacks. If you are bringing a partner/caregiver with you as well, there will be an additional cost of $100 for their accommodation and meals.
Dinner will be provided by participants. Dinner and cleanup duty will be required on one of the workshop evenings. Meals can be prepared in advance and brought frozen from home, or you can bring groceries to make a dish at the house. We ask that you make extra in order to stock the freezer of the very lovely and generous 93 year old lady who is allowing us to use her home for this training.
There will be a non refundable $25 registration fee. Upon being accepted into this program (an interview is required, in person if possible, if not, by phone is fine), you will be asked to send a deposit of $550 to Motherwit Doula Training. If you are unable to attend and have to cancel before June 15th, your deposit will be refunded fully, or, if you wish, applied as credit towards future trainings or services. If you cancel after June 15th, $400 will be refunded to you. The remainder of the fee will be absolutely due the day the training begins. Once all participants are registered, we will let you know what the exact amount will be. Payments can be made by Interac Email Transfer, Money Order, PayPal, or Cash (upon arrival at training).
Outline
Day 1: July 18th
9:00am to 1:00pm
Introductions
Normal Pregnancy, Birth and Breastfeeding Anatomy and Physiology
2:00pm to 5:00pm
Profile of a Doula
Comparing Mainstream vs. Doula views of Prenatal Education, Birth Support, and Postpartum Support
The Doula's Role in Holding Pain in the Childbearing Year
The Doula as a Change Agent of Modern Birth Culture
6:30pm to 8:00pm
Dinner and clean up
8pm-10pm
Birth video, discussion
Day 2: July 19th
9:00am to 1:00pm
The Doula's Toolkit: An Overview of Holistic Healing Modalities
Before continuing with our work in doula support, we will explore some of the tools doulas use to facilitate a smoother childbearing year. We will look at healing from different points of view, and study energy anatomy, nourishment, breath, herbs, and essential oils. We will be touching, smelling, and tasting, listening to what these medicines have to tell us.
2:00pm to 5:00pm
The Doula's Toolkit: An Overview of Holistic Healing Modalities Continued
Homeopathy, touch, emotional processing, intuition, guided imagery, and ceremony will be explored as ways to help create more clarity for the woman in her childbearing year, allowing her greater access to her internal resources. We will do exercises which will demonstrate each modality, and create opportunities for you to learn about yourselves as well.
6:30pm to 8:00pm
Dinner and cleanup
8:00pm to 10:00pm
Birth videos and storytelling
Day 3: July 20th
9:00am to 1:00pm
Principles of Fetal Positioning
Palpation
Doula Support for Normal Pregnancy
Doula Support for Normal Labour and Birth
We will be using real live bellies for palpation, and will do hands-on labour support using the tools we learned on Day 2. We will also learn about tools birth clinicians use to monitor the mother and baby's wellbeing.
2:00pm to 5:00pm
Doula Support for Normal Labour and Birth Continued
Doula Support for Normal Breastfeeding
Nursing babies are asked to show off their skills for demonstration
6:30pm to 8:00pm
Dinner and cleanup
Evening Off
Day 4: July 21st
9:00am to 1:00pm
Doula Support for Pregnancy and Birth Challenges
We will discuss common pregnancy/birth challenges, and discuss the benefits, risks, and alternatives to common treatments. Special situations like breech birth, VBAC, and multiple birth will also be discussed
Grace Under Fire: Using Diplomacy to Deal with Challenging Hospital Routines and Staff
6:30pm to 8:00pm
Dinner and cleanup
8:00pm to 10:00pm
Birth videos and storytelling
Day 5: July 22nd
9:00am to 1:00pm
Birth as Teacher, Birth as Healer
We will discuss Birth as an energy which both teaches and heals, as well as explore some of our own fears about birth.
Loss and Grief
Doula Support for Breastfeeding and Postpartum Challenges
2:00pm to 5:00pm
Doula Support for Breastfeeding and Postpartum Challenges Continued
Role Playing
6:30pm to 8:00pm
Dinner and cleanup
8:00pm to-10:00pm
Talking stick and discussion of how you'd like to share your new skills in your community.
Day 6: July 23rd
9:00am to 1:00pm
Caring for Yourself as a Doula
Creating Boundaries
Dealing With Challenging Clientelle
Conducting Your Pre/Post Natal Meetings
2:30pm to 5:00pm
Managing Your Doula Practice: Payment, Paperwork, and Publicity
A Doula Rite of Passage Ceremony
On this last day, we will take a longer lunch period to ensure we are packed up and ready to leave after class has ended. We will finish up at 5pm.
About the Motherwit Trainer: Lesley Everest has been a doula for 16 years. She is a mother of four children. She has provided professional doula training for nearly seven years.
Lesley brings to her doula and training work nearly two decades of education and practice in holistic healing. She is a certified Polarity practitioner, a certified Pre-Perinatal Massage Practitioner, professionally trained in Psychosynthesis Psychotherapy, and a former La Leche League Leader. She has attended hundreds of women thoughout their childbearing and mothering experiences.
Her doula practice includes approximately 50 to 65 births per year, and between 4 and 12 apprenticeships per year. She is the founder and director of Motherwith Doula Care Services.
Future projects include providing doula training to nurses and medical students/residents, and writing a doula's guide to childbirth.
For an application or for further info please email info@motherwit.ca
When: July 18th to 23rd, 2010
Where: The location for our training will be in a large, comfortable home in Morin Heights, located in the beautiful Laurentians of Quebec, about an hour from Montreal.
Who: This training is for those women who want to pursue a career in supporting women in birth. This can either serve as a complete professional training as a doula, as a stepping stone towards a career in midwifery, nursing, or medicine, or as continuing education for those who are already working with birthing women and want to enrich their practices. Even those women who are already working as doulas will find this training exceptionally beneficial.
What is a doula? A doula is a woman who provides supportive care to women and their families throughout the childbearing year. The woman's primary caregiver (her doctor or midwife) is responsible for her clinical wellbeing, meaning the monitoring of her and her baby's health is carried out by them. Doulas provide the missing link in modern maternity care, which is the nurturing of the pregnant/birthing/postpartum woman. In order to feel satisfied with her childbearing experience, a mother needs to have been treated with love and respect, to have felt heard, to have been honoured.
Doulas offer the mother and her partner time in which to ask questions, vent their frustrations, express their concerns, clarify their values about birth and parenting, providing them with information, preparatory education, supportive physical and emotional comfort, and advocacy of their needs and desires.
Doulas accompany the woman thoughout labour and birth, and facilitate the transition into motherhood. Her partner also benefits tremendously from a doula's support. With a doula taking care of many of the small things required in birth, the partner can relax and be fully present for the labouring mom in the way they see fit.
Doulas also provide postpartum care by supporting the unique breastfeeding relationship between mother and child, and by smoothing some of the inevitable bumps along the untravelled road.
The doula is a complementary member of the woman's healthcare team. She empowers a woman to make informed choices about her care, and then supports those unique choices. She serves as a resource for many of the woman's needs. A doula never diagnoses or assumes clinical care of her client. All health concerns are required to be brought to the attention of the primary caregiver.
Why: Motherwit Doula Training provides training above and beyond what is taught in popular, weekend workshop format courses. Not only do we study the pregnancy, birthing, and postpartum process and ways to support it in all kinds of settings, but you will learn a myriad of tools to work holistically with your clients. You will learn, for example, how to help a woman deal with the sensations of labour, how to navigate your way though a challenging hospital system without creating conflict, how to care for yourself as you care for others, how to run your doula business, how to build community for new mothers and other doulas, and most importantly, how, in your own unique, loving, authentic way, to contribute to the healing of our North American birth culture one mother, father, and baby at a time.
How: The week long format will allow you to immerse yourself in the world of doula work. By living in close quarters with other women, we will be in community, sharing chores, meals, and babycare. This is traditionally how women learn, not in a shiny classroom with a teacher at the head, but in a circle, multitasking and sharing, within an environment surrounded by beauty. We are allowed to share anecdotes, heal through storytelling, tell bawdy jokes, be free with our emotions, all the while doing in depth, intense and often technically complicated study of supporting birth.
You will be given a study guide annotating important learnings, as well as a checklist to help you fulfill your requirements outside of class. These requirements must be finished within a year of taking this training in order to be certified as a Motherwit Doula, otherwise extra fees will be incurred. Upon completion of certain requirements, you will be eligable for a 3 birth apprenticeship period with Lesley or another Motherwit Doula, if you so desire, at an additional cost.
Details: As doulas promote attachment parenting whenever possible, nursing babies are always welcome to attend trainings with their mothers. For very attached toddlers, mothers may bring a childcare provider with them in order to allow her to study thoughout the day. Caregivers and other children are welcome to join us for breaks and meals. The house can comfortably accommodate about 12 people, but there is another house nearby available if extra space is needed for those who are bringing children and support people. Birth video and storytelling time are not mandatory, but are an enriching experience for participants, and encouraged whenever possible.
There will be plenty of time to ask questions and share experiences, so Lesley asks that we allow the teaching to flow according to its schedule as much as we can in order to cover the massive amounts of information you will be learning. Burning questions will always be answered.
Please feel free to leave or wander the room in order to meet the needs of fussy babies.
Cost: The cost will depend upon the number of participants, the maximum amount being 15. Five and under participants will cost $1200, 6 to 10 participants will cost $1050, and 10 to 15 will cost $950. If accommodation is required, the cost is $200 per trainee, which includes your sleeping quarters, as well as breakfast, lunch, and snacks. If you are bringing a partner/caregiver with you as well, there will be an additional cost of $100 for their accommodation and meals.
Dinner will be provided by participants. Dinner and cleanup duty will be required on one of the workshop evenings. Meals can be prepared in advance and brought frozen from home, or you can bring groceries to make a dish at the house. We ask that you make extra in order to stock the freezer of the very lovely and generous 93 year old lady who is allowing us to use her home for this training.
There will be a non refundable $25 registration fee. Upon being accepted into this program (an interview is required, in person if possible, if not, by phone is fine), you will be asked to send a deposit of $550 to Motherwit Doula Training. If you are unable to attend and have to cancel before June 15th, your deposit will be refunded fully, or, if you wish, applied as credit towards future trainings or services. If you cancel after June 15th, $400 will be refunded to you. The remainder of the fee will be absolutely due the day the training begins. Once all participants are registered, we will let you know what the exact amount will be. Payments can be made by Interac Email Transfer, Money Order, PayPal, or Cash (upon arrival at training).
Outline
Day 1: July 18th
9:00am to 1:00pm
Introductions
Normal Pregnancy, Birth and Breastfeeding Anatomy and Physiology
2:00pm to 5:00pm
Profile of a Doula
Comparing Mainstream vs. Doula views of Prenatal Education, Birth Support, and Postpartum Support
The Doula's Role in Holding Pain in the Childbearing Year
The Doula as a Change Agent of Modern Birth Culture
6:30pm to 8:00pm
Dinner and clean up
8pm-10pm
Birth video, discussion
Day 2: July 19th
9:00am to 1:00pm
The Doula's Toolkit: An Overview of Holistic Healing Modalities
Before continuing with our work in doula support, we will explore some of the tools doulas use to facilitate a smoother childbearing year. We will look at healing from different points of view, and study energy anatomy, nourishment, breath, herbs, and essential oils. We will be touching, smelling, and tasting, listening to what these medicines have to tell us.
2:00pm to 5:00pm
The Doula's Toolkit: An Overview of Holistic Healing Modalities Continued
Homeopathy, touch, emotional processing, intuition, guided imagery, and ceremony will be explored as ways to help create more clarity for the woman in her childbearing year, allowing her greater access to her internal resources. We will do exercises which will demonstrate each modality, and create opportunities for you to learn about yourselves as well.
6:30pm to 8:00pm
Dinner and cleanup
8:00pm to 10:00pm
Birth videos and storytelling
Day 3: July 20th
9:00am to 1:00pm
Principles of Fetal Positioning
Palpation
Doula Support for Normal Pregnancy
Doula Support for Normal Labour and Birth
We will be using real live bellies for palpation, and will do hands-on labour support using the tools we learned on Day 2. We will also learn about tools birth clinicians use to monitor the mother and baby's wellbeing.
2:00pm to 5:00pm
Doula Support for Normal Labour and Birth Continued
Doula Support for Normal Breastfeeding
Nursing babies are asked to show off their skills for demonstration
6:30pm to 8:00pm
Dinner and cleanup
Evening Off
Day 4: July 21st
9:00am to 1:00pm
Doula Support for Pregnancy and Birth Challenges
We will discuss common pregnancy/birth challenges, and discuss the benefits, risks, and alternatives to common treatments. Special situations like breech birth, VBAC, and multiple birth will also be discussed
Grace Under Fire: Using Diplomacy to Deal with Challenging Hospital Routines and Staff
6:30pm to 8:00pm
Dinner and cleanup
8:00pm to 10:00pm
Birth videos and storytelling
Day 5: July 22nd
9:00am to 1:00pm
Birth as Teacher, Birth as Healer
We will discuss Birth as an energy which both teaches and heals, as well as explore some of our own fears about birth.
Loss and Grief
Doula Support for Breastfeeding and Postpartum Challenges
2:00pm to 5:00pm
Doula Support for Breastfeeding and Postpartum Challenges Continued
Role Playing
6:30pm to 8:00pm
Dinner and cleanup
8:00pm to-10:00pm
Talking stick and discussion of how you'd like to share your new skills in your community.
Day 6: July 23rd
9:00am to 1:00pm
Caring for Yourself as a Doula
Creating Boundaries
Dealing With Challenging Clientelle
Conducting Your Pre/Post Natal Meetings
2:30pm to 5:00pm
Managing Your Doula Practice: Payment, Paperwork, and Publicity
A Doula Rite of Passage Ceremony
On this last day, we will take a longer lunch period to ensure we are packed up and ready to leave after class has ended. We will finish up at 5pm.
About the Motherwit Trainer: Lesley Everest has been a doula for 16 years. She is a mother of four children. She has provided professional doula training for nearly seven years.
Lesley brings to her doula and training work nearly two decades of education and practice in holistic healing. She is a certified Polarity practitioner, a certified Pre-Perinatal Massage Practitioner, professionally trained in Psychosynthesis Psychotherapy, and a former La Leche League Leader. She has attended hundreds of women thoughout their childbearing and mothering experiences.
Her doula practice includes approximately 50 to 65 births per year, and between 4 and 12 apprenticeships per year. She is the founder and director of Motherwith Doula Care Services.
Future projects include providing doula training to nurses and medical students/residents, and writing a doula's guide to childbirth.
For an application or for further info please email info@motherwit.ca
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Ultrasound
Ultrasound is very worrisome to me. Most people having babies think about ultrasound as the scan or scans a technician does to date the pregnancy, measure the baby, determine the sex, etc. What studies have shown, and this is all over the 'net so you can look this up yourselves, is that ultrasound potentially shakes things around in the fetal brain, to put it technically. But what a lot of people don't realize is that electronic fetal monitoring in hospital during non-stress tests, labour, etc. is ALSO ultrasound. If these studies are being done and we are being warned about repetitive, routine ultrasound scans (on average a woman here receives around 3 ultrasounds per pregnancy, from what I've observed of my clientele...some have less, some have one almost every doctor's visit), I think it's important to inform consumers the monitoring they are receiving throughout labour might have risks too.
When a woman receives an epidural and/or synthetic oxytocin during labour, she is constantly monitored, and this can often leave her baby exposed to ultrasound for many consecutive hours. Considering the epidural rate is incredibly high for first time mothers in hospitals, in the high 90th percentile, this means the vast majority of fetuses are being exposed to ultrasound that we don't have evidence is safe. Even mothers who are birthing naturally are still exposed to occasional 20 minute stints of monitoring.
Becaue of a few things I've seen, I don't reject ultrasound as a tool at all. There have been a couple of sad incidents I've known where had just one scan been done to have a look at the baby, information would have been easily revealed that would have given caregivers knowledge of the babies' treatable conditions before it was too late. I personally had one scan with 3 out of 4 of my pregnancies. While I know ultrasound is not the be all and end all of diagnostic tools, a basic peek makes me feel reassured. To have a listen to my babies prenatally, the midwives and doctor I've seen have used a fetoscope. I was very pleased with the OB I saw during a couple of my pregnancies who respected my wish to not have my baby listened to with a Doppler in order to reduce exposure to ultrasound. Instead of criticizing me for being "overly cautious" or for undermining her by questioning her methods, she thanked me for the opportunity to keep up her auscultation skills.
Having ultrasounds for nuchal translucency tests, dating, etc. is up to the level of comfort of the parents and not something I'd advise for or against because the choices are personal, but when we get into the realm of having ultrasounds repeatedly when not for clear reasons, we should be aware that we do not really know conclusively what kind of effect this will have on our babies. It is always a bit scary to me to know that many people will do their best to avoid things like caffeine, over the counter remedies, etc. to have the healthiest baby possible, but accept many ultrasounds simply because they're offered, expect to take an epidural full of all kinds of crazy narcotics, and have no worries about receiving hormones and hours of electronic fetal monitoring. I know that when parents-to-be ask about these procedures, they are often told things like "there's no risk to ultrasound", "epidural doesn't have that much effect on the baby and will actually give you more energy to push your baby out", and "the synthetic oxytocin is not harmful...after all, it's the same thing your own body makes." Not that I want to fear monger labouring parents, telling them all these things are bad, because inherently they are not...every intervention holds value if it is truly needed. But how are parents supposed to make informed choices if they are not told some of the real potential risks, and in fact, often misled? If a parent to be were to research the risks of these interventions from several sources, they would have more information with which to make choices.
The best advice I can give my clients is to do their homework. Sadly, one cannot just accept some of the answers they're given to their questions and must research further. Unfortunately, consumers of medical care cannot take everything they're told about medical interventions during pregnancy and labour at face value. This is certainly not true in every case...I work with some great doctors and nurses who strive to give patients the best information they can, giving both sides of the coin and respecting parental decisions. But it is true in many. Simply believing all your questions will be answered with everything you will need to make an informed decision is an innocence you can't really afford. YOU are the consumers of medical care. Shop around and do your research.
When a woman receives an epidural and/or synthetic oxytocin during labour, she is constantly monitored, and this can often leave her baby exposed to ultrasound for many consecutive hours. Considering the epidural rate is incredibly high for first time mothers in hospitals, in the high 90th percentile, this means the vast majority of fetuses are being exposed to ultrasound that we don't have evidence is safe. Even mothers who are birthing naturally are still exposed to occasional 20 minute stints of monitoring.
Becaue of a few things I've seen, I don't reject ultrasound as a tool at all. There have been a couple of sad incidents I've known where had just one scan been done to have a look at the baby, information would have been easily revealed that would have given caregivers knowledge of the babies' treatable conditions before it was too late. I personally had one scan with 3 out of 4 of my pregnancies. While I know ultrasound is not the be all and end all of diagnostic tools, a basic peek makes me feel reassured. To have a listen to my babies prenatally, the midwives and doctor I've seen have used a fetoscope. I was very pleased with the OB I saw during a couple of my pregnancies who respected my wish to not have my baby listened to with a Doppler in order to reduce exposure to ultrasound. Instead of criticizing me for being "overly cautious" or for undermining her by questioning her methods, she thanked me for the opportunity to keep up her auscultation skills.
Having ultrasounds for nuchal translucency tests, dating, etc. is up to the level of comfort of the parents and not something I'd advise for or against because the choices are personal, but when we get into the realm of having ultrasounds repeatedly when not for clear reasons, we should be aware that we do not really know conclusively what kind of effect this will have on our babies. It is always a bit scary to me to know that many people will do their best to avoid things like caffeine, over the counter remedies, etc. to have the healthiest baby possible, but accept many ultrasounds simply because they're offered, expect to take an epidural full of all kinds of crazy narcotics, and have no worries about receiving hormones and hours of electronic fetal monitoring. I know that when parents-to-be ask about these procedures, they are often told things like "there's no risk to ultrasound", "epidural doesn't have that much effect on the baby and will actually give you more energy to push your baby out", and "the synthetic oxytocin is not harmful...after all, it's the same thing your own body makes." Not that I want to fear monger labouring parents, telling them all these things are bad, because inherently they are not...every intervention holds value if it is truly needed. But how are parents supposed to make informed choices if they are not told some of the real potential risks, and in fact, often misled? If a parent to be were to research the risks of these interventions from several sources, they would have more information with which to make choices.
The best advice I can give my clients is to do their homework. Sadly, one cannot just accept some of the answers they're given to their questions and must research further. Unfortunately, consumers of medical care cannot take everything they're told about medical interventions during pregnancy and labour at face value. This is certainly not true in every case...I work with some great doctors and nurses who strive to give patients the best information they can, giving both sides of the coin and respecting parental decisions. But it is true in many. Simply believing all your questions will be answered with everything you will need to make an informed decision is an innocence you can't really afford. YOU are the consumers of medical care. Shop around and do your research.
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