hm. i suppose i would use one if after interviewing doulas in my area that was the person i felt most comfortable with but in most cases- i see myself preferring a female to play that role in my labor. I don't think the doula profession should be one that excludes males... i just don't see them doing as well in the business aspect.
I guess a male doula could have his place with some couples as the choice of doula really does boil down to personal preferences and there must be couples out there who would prefer to have a male vs. a female Doula. Like Bess however, I do think they would have more difficulty in finding work than a female doula. Personally I would not even consider a male as I feel more comfortable when surrounded by women during childbirth (no offense to the man in my life of course).
I support the idea of male doulas. I tend to enjoy the company of men better than the company of women in some ways... it's hard to explain. Maybe I just have more experience with male-female friendships than I do with female-female friendships. I would not rule out a male doula based on maleness, and I think it's possible that a male doula could mesh better with certain personalities, much like a female doula will mesh better with others due to comfort levels, etc.
If I were to hire a doula I would be looking for someone who would do what I asked them to, keep a cool head, take on some kind of protective/supportive role (which I personally tend to enjoy coming from men or very tall women), give great sacral massages... all things that the right man could do just as easily as the right woman.
I also support male doulas. Maybe the majority of pregnant woman would prefer a female doula for a variety of reasons, which is absolutely okay of course! However, finding the right doula for you is so often something that involves your intuition and you heart and gut as well as your head. Finding the right person to help you in labor is often about who "feels right" And this may well be a man. And to take it one step further, I wonder, even when women feel that a female doula would be right for them, how much of that it based on a prejudice against men in typically female roles? Would they still feel the same if gender roles were not such a huge part of our society?
I in no way mean to judge those many many women who DO feel they prefer a women at their side during birth, this is a valid feeling that should be respected, of course. Many women say they feel safe, supported and good in labor when attended by a group of fellow women. And I accept that these feelings come from a deep and complex place, so very important to listen to what comes from this place. BUT I still can't stop wondering why this feeling exists.
Is it about sex? Is is about some idea that a made doula would be aroused by a nude birthing women? If so I feel this is a false assumption. Not to mention that your female doula may well be attracted to women. And going further still... how do we address a doula who may be a woman, but did not start that way from birth. Or may have lady parts, but feel more comfortable in a male gender role, or dare I say, a gender neutral role.... What about a gay man?
Gender, despite the "girl or boy" strict gender roles that our society likes so much, is a fluid continuum. So what in fact is a female doula? Is this gender role really the essence of a doula?
I find it conflicting that many doulas will take pride in providing loving, non judgmental support to all of her clients. Including Lesbian or queer couples, or a mom who is a surrogate for two daddy's to be. Or a trans gendered person, who was born a woman and had decided to use his lady bits to have a family before surgically finishing his transition to male. Or not to be sooo radical. what about just a pregnant women who is a "tom boy" or a woman who takes a more masculine role. Many doulas would proudly support these birthing people, and proudly support the colorful and diverse family's they create.
These doulas, at the same time, not able to entertain the idea of a male doula. HUmmm.
The times are changing. Dads are now not only allowed to be in the labor room, but often very much needed and wanted and loved in the labor room as part of his ladies labor. And Women are able to be doctors these days! You even get a brilliant male nanny around here and there. I would never be the one to limit a person's potential based on gender.
To turn it around, if a person is a poor doula, if it is just not what they are good at, they could be a woman or a man, either way its time to find a new job!
my son cannot wait to be old enough to be a doula...of course, he's 12 and so loves the prenatals, the medical talk, and of course, meeting the baby afterward at the post partum visit.
hm. i suppose i would use one if after interviewing doulas in my area that was the person i felt most comfortable with but in most cases- i see myself preferring a female to play that role in my labor. I don't think the doula profession should be one that excludes males... i just don't see them doing as well in the business aspect.
ReplyDeleteI guess a male doula could have his place with some couples as the choice of doula really does boil down to personal preferences and there must be couples out there who would prefer to have a male vs. a female Doula. Like Bess however, I do think they would have more difficulty in finding work than a female doula.
ReplyDeletePersonally I would not even consider a male as I feel more comfortable when surrounded by women during childbirth (no offense to the man in my life of course).
I support the idea of male doulas. I tend to enjoy the company of men better than the company of women in some ways... it's hard to explain. Maybe I just have more experience with male-female friendships than I do with female-female friendships. I would not rule out a male doula based on maleness, and I think it's possible that a male doula could mesh better with certain personalities, much like a female doula will mesh better with others due to comfort levels, etc.
ReplyDeleteIf I were to hire a doula I would be looking for someone who would do what I asked them to, keep a cool head, take on some kind of protective/supportive role (which I personally tend to enjoy coming from men or very tall women), give great sacral massages... all things that the right man could do just as easily as the right woman.
It is not black and white.
ReplyDeleteI also support male doulas. Maybe the majority of pregnant woman would prefer a female doula for a variety of reasons, which is absolutely okay of course! However, finding the right doula for you is so often something that involves your intuition and you heart and gut as well as your head. Finding the right person to help you in labor is often about who "feels right" And this may well be a man. And to take it one step further, I wonder, even when women feel that a female doula would be right for them, how much of that it based on a prejudice against men in typically female roles? Would they still feel the same if gender roles were not such a huge part of our society?
I in no way mean to judge those many many women who DO feel they prefer a women at their side during birth, this is a valid feeling that should be respected, of course. Many women say they feel safe, supported and good in labor when attended by a group of fellow women. And I accept that these feelings come from a deep and complex place, so very important to listen to what comes from this place. BUT I still can't stop wondering why this feeling exists.
Is it about sex? Is is about some idea that a made doula would be aroused by a nude birthing women? If so I feel this is a false assumption. Not to mention that your female doula may well be attracted to women. And going further still... how do we address a doula who may be a woman, but did not start that way from birth. Or may have lady parts, but feel more comfortable in a male gender role, or dare I say, a gender neutral role.... What about a gay man?
Gender, despite the "girl or boy" strict gender roles that our society likes so much, is a fluid continuum. So what in fact is a female doula? Is this gender role really the essence of a doula?
I find it conflicting that many doulas will take pride in providing loving, non judgmental support to all of her clients. Including Lesbian or queer couples, or a mom who is a surrogate for two daddy's to be. Or a trans gendered person, who was born a woman and had decided to use his lady bits to have a family before surgically finishing his transition to male. Or not to be sooo radical. what about just a pregnant women who is a "tom boy" or a woman who takes a more masculine role. Many doulas would proudly support these birthing people, and proudly support the colorful and diverse family's they create.
These doulas, at the same time, not able to entertain the idea of a male doula. HUmmm.
The times are changing. Dads are now not only allowed to be in the labor room, but often very much needed and wanted and loved in the labor room as part of his ladies labor. And Women are able to be doctors these days! You even get a brilliant male nanny around here and there. I would never be the one to limit a person's potential based on gender.
To turn it around, if a person is a poor doula, if it is just not what they are good at, they could be a woman or a man, either way its time to find a new job!
-Sesch
my son cannot wait to be old enough to be a doula...of course, he's 12 and so loves the prenatals, the medical talk, and of course, meeting the baby afterward at the post partum visit.
ReplyDelete